IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

When asked to choose between a life without work and working most of the time, people would always choose not to work. do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#life #work #time #people
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Whether
people
 always prefer living without working
instead
 of going to work most time if possible is a controversial topic.
This
 writer disagrees with the statement
due to
 fulfilment and survival. It is vital to understand that working can make
people
 happy. Because of the fact that working helps individuals to have an environment where they can connect with other colleagues.
This
 situation strengthens relationships and friendships between everyone
due to
 having enjoyable moments with each other.
As a result
,
people
 may know how to gain happiness and appreciate their parents’ efforts.
Additionally
, occupation
also
 prevents
people
 not getting bored and improves their personal skills.
According to
 a survey in Australia, many citizens felt satisfied with their jobs because they had a chance to expand their social circle
as well as
 learn new abilities. Another factor
that is
also
 crucial is to live comfortably.
In other words
, to survive in
this
 world, all residents have to work, not only the poor but
also
 the wealthy.
People
 try to complete their tasks so hard so that they can get promoted and have a higher salary.
This
 supports them to buy necessities,
such
 as food and medicine. If humans did not have those things, they could not survive.
Additionally
, society was not able to exist and develop unless citizens were working. Take Japan as an example,
this
 nation is developed and rich
due to
 employees working so hard. In brief,
people
 will choose to stay in their position rather than
ive
Correct your spelling
live
give
 with no work if they are asked.
Hence
, governments should implement strategies to decrease the unemployment rate and create more jobs for
people
 to do.

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task achievement
Your essay has a clear response to the task and addresses both aspects of the prompt. However, strive for deeper development of your ideas to further enhance the relevance and specificity of your examples.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and is logically connected to the next, which will improve the essay's overall cohesion. Using clear transition words can also help to guide the reader through your arguments.
general
Work on improving the range and accuracy of your vocabulary and grammatical structures. Minor errors do not impede understanding, but reducing them will improve the overall quality of your writing.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are effective, providing a clear frame for your essay. They establish your position and summarize the main points well.
task achievement
You provide relevant and specific examples, such as the survey in Australia and the example of Japan, which strengthen your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is well-organized with distinct paragraphs that each address specific points related to the topic, contributing to a clear and logical structure.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial stability
  • personal interests
  • social isolation
  • structured daily routine
  • sense of purpose
  • achievement
  • boredom
  • overworking
  • burnout
  • hobbies
  • family time
  • work pressures
  • stress
  • health issues
  • social interactions
What to do next:
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