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Band 6

Nowadays, some people like to give help to the local community. Other people prefer to give money to national and international organizations. Discuss both methods and give your own opinion on which is better.

#people #community #money #organizations #methods
While
 there are some people who tend to fund
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the local community,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
others spend
money
 on national and international
organizations
.
This
 essay will discuss
both
pointments
Correct your spelling
appointments
 and explain why I agree with the latter one. On the one hand, investing
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 local
organizations
 will help the development of
country
Add an article
the country
a country
show examples
.
First,
because of the growth
up
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apply
show examples
and development of
country
Add an article
the country
a country
show examples
, many individuals use to spend their
money
 on investing
for
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in
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government
Add an article
the government
show examples
.
For example
, there still have many minority areas in our
country
, so the
leaderships
Replace the word
leaders
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 need a large source of
money
 to improve those places.
Therefore
, if more and more individuals like to help
local
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the local
show examples
community
Fix the agreement mistake
communities
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such
 as governments, it means
both
economics
Correct article usage
the economics
show examples
 and facilities of
county
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the county
show examples
 are
dramatic
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dramatically
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 improving.
However
,
this
 funding is nonprofit for
both
 holders and investors, and they might face
with
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apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 lack of
incomes
Fix the agreement mistake
income
show examples
 or their life's
quailities
Correct your spelling
qualities
 will reduce.
On the other hand
, spending
money
 on national and international
organizations
 will
brings
Wrong verb form
bring
show examples
 humans many opportunities
on
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in
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both
 work and life. To
further
 explain,
this
 is a new environment for them to get
chance
Correct article usage
a chance
show examples
 to be more mature because of
interact
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interacting
show examples
 with
variety
Add an article
a variety
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 of personalities.
For instance
, when people work
about
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on
show examples
 investing process
such
 as the
guiders
Correct your spelling
guides
show examples
 and the one having the same purpose, they will have more
informations
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information
pieces of information
show examples
 through the communications with them.
In addition
, working in an international environment will help people
understanding
Wrong verb form
understand
show examples
 more about the developed
country
 and
bringing
Wrong verb form
bring
show examples
those knowledge
Change the determiner
that knowledge
show examples
 to develop their
country
.
Therefore
,
i
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I
show examples
 feel more interested in
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 statements because of the variety of knowledge and
informations
Change the wording
information
pieces of information
show examples
 coming from those
organizations
. In conclusion,
both
 sides of funding
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
bring
Add an article
the country
show examples
country
Fix the agreement mistake
countries
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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difference
Replace the word
different
show examples
of
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apply
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benefits but
i
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I
show examples
 think that
international
Correct article usage
the international
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ones
Fix the agreement mistake
one
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brings
Change the verb form
bring
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 more advantages than the other.
Submitted by lethigialinh77 on

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