IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

According to a recent study, the more people use the internet, the less time they spend with real humans begins. Should we worry about the effect this is having on social interaction or should we see the internet as a way of opening up new communication possibilities worldwide? Discuss these views and give your opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.

#study #people #internet #time #humans #effect #interaction #communication #possibilities
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vA number of
people
 have an opinion that locals should pay spend less money than foreign
tourist
Fix the agreement mistake
tourists
show examples
 when they come to the cultural and historical heritages in a nation. In my view, I completely agree with
this
 statement because it provides an accessible destination for local
people
 and enhances the
tourist
 attraction management’s income.
Firstly
, it gives easier access for local
people
 to learn about
culture
Correct article usage
the culture
show examples
 and
history
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 their own country
especially
Add the comma(s)
,especially
show examples
 for
students
. It is because they don’t need to think
over
Change preposition
about
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
spending too much.
Students
 can learn more and more about the things inside the museum or cultural heritage. In fact, the
students
 will come frequently to do research or healing because the tickets are cheaper.
Thus
, it benefits not only
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
the
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
student itself
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
 the
tourist
 attraction management.
For example
, the tickets for foreigners are 30.000 rupiahs and 10.000 rupiahs for
students
 which make
student
Add an article
a student
show examples
 who
learn
Change the verb form
learns
show examples
 about
history
 tend to visit
heroes
Change noun form
heroes'
hero's
show examples
 monument oftentimes to research
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
history
.
Secondly
, the cultural and historical attractions
managements
Fix the agreement mistake
management
show examples
 can gain more money from foreigners.
In other words
, the tickets are more expensive twice or even thrice.
Hence
, the management will get more advantages from the tourists.
However
, it has to be equal
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the service for the tourists who visit the museum or cultural heritage place because as tourists they don’t know well about the country’s
history
 or
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
culture. If the tour guide
Prambanan
Change preposition
to Prambanan
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 Temple in Magelang
as
Change preposition
for
show examples
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
instance
give
Correct subject-verb agreement
gives
show examples
 bad service or cannot explain
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
history
 well, the
tourist
 will
confused
Change the verb form
be confused
show examples
 and even feel disappointed. In conclusion, the cultural and historical attractions give easy
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
educational access for
people
particularly
Add the comma(s)
,particularly
show examples
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 and get financial benefits
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
foreign visitors.
Nevertheless
, the service must be worth the money.
Submitted by mohammaddeo55 on

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