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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The table below shows the numbers of visitors to Ashdown Museum during the year before and the year after it was refurbished. The charts show the result of surveys asking visitors how satisfied they were with their visit, during the same two periods.

The table below shows the numbers of visitors to Ashdown Museum during the year before and the year after it was refurbished. The charts show the result of surveys asking visitors how satisfied they were with their visit, during the same two periods.
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The table gives information about how many
people
Use synonyms
 come to visit Ashdown
Museum
Use synonyms
 both times prior
and
Change preposition
to and
show examples
 after it was renovated. The pie charts illustrated the result of satisfaction of visitors who entered the updated version and the outdated version of Ashdown
Museum
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
, the number of
people
Use synonyms
 who visited
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 increased
as well as
Linking Words
 the pleased results of visitors after the reconstructions. It was evident that after the reconstructed
museum
Use synonyms
, there were over 20,000
people
Use synonyms
 coming more than the preconstructed one. Prior to
refurnished
Wrong verb form
refurnishing
show examples
 the
museum
Use synonyms
, forth in ten
people
Use synonyms
 stated that they were unhappy
of
Change preposition
with
show examples
 the
visiting
Replace the word
visit
show examples
.
While
Linking Words
 only slightly over forth in ten visitors were happy about it. During the year of
new
Correct article usage
the new
show examples
 version
museum
Use synonyms
, there was
significant
Add an article
a significant
show examples
 increase
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 satisfied and very much satisfied accounted for 40%, and 35% respectively. In comparison to the old one, approximately 30% of satisfaction grew.
Additionally
Linking Words
, the
amount
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
 of dissatisfied results of
new
Correct article usage
the new
show examples
museum
Use synonyms
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 dramatically drop to 15%.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words people, museum with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • refurbishment
  • visitor statistics
  • satisfaction survey
  • seasonal trends
  • demographics
  • benchmarking
  • feedback mechanisms
  • amenities
  • exhibitions
  • customer experience
  • turnaround
  • user engagement
  • footfall
  • improvements
  • disparities
  • perception
  • enhancements
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