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Writing Samples
Band 4

Many modern children spend great deal of time sitting in front of a television or computer screen. This is exteremly harmful to their development. Therefore, parents should strictly limit the time that children spend in this way. to what extent do you agree or disgree?

Nowadays
Punctuation problem
Nowadays,
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children
Use synonyms
 tend to enjoy their
leasure
Correct your spelling
leisure
time
Use synonyms
 in front of electronic devices. Some people believe it is completely dangerous for
youngs
Use the right word
young
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.
Check wording
people.
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This
Linking Words
essays
Fix the agreement mistake
essay
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 displays my personal reason
of
Change preposition
for
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 why I agree to limit
Use synonyms
children
Check wording
children's
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 screen
time
Use synonyms
 playing gadgets.
Firstly
Linking Words
, I personally agree to support the idea of limiting
Use synonyms
children
Check wording
children's
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sceen
Correct your spelling
screen
time
Use synonyms
. There
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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many
Fix the agreement mistake
much
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 research revealing the impact of surfing online towards
Use synonyms
children
Check wording
children's
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development
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. The data show a large percentage of youngsters
socializing
Change the spelling
socialising
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 on the easy-to-contact platforms. These platforms allow these individuals to connect easily.
Therefore
Linking Words
, there are numerous crimes that may affect the
Use synonyms
children
Check wording
children's
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behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
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 and physical
development
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. The example of
this
Linking Words
 is the famous
offendant
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offender
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, Jeffrey Dahmer. He is a serial killer who
hunted
Wrong verb form
hunts
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 young
children
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 on the internet.
Thus
Linking Words
, no limitation of devices will likely
to
Verb problem
apply
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introduce our beloved ones to a criminal. Another
background
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reason
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 why I agree to block using these devices for a long
time
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 is because of the psychological
purpose
Check wording
impact
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. Many debaters in
Oxford
Correct article usage
the Oxford
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 debating firm argued
how
Correct word choice
that
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 watching TV or
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
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collapse
Correct subject-verb agreement
collapses
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 human interaction. They believe that spending hours in front of these tools will harm emotional
development
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.
Children
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 will talk less than others who do not involve their
eletronics
Correct your spelling
electronics
for
Change preposition
on
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daily
Correct article usage
a daily
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 basis.
In addition
Linking Words
, kids may behave differently
;
Punctuation problem
,
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 uncontrolled and unstable.
For instance
Linking Words
, various kindergartens prefer to provide real learning media
instead
Linking Words
 of simply giving these
children
Use synonyms
 tablets to play. In conclusion, I stand for the campaign of strictly sparing
times
Fix the agreement mistake
time
show examples
 for kids. The reason behind
this
Linking Words
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 the harm aspect and
welfare
Correct article usage
the welfare
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 aspect.
This
Linking Words
 will guide parents to maintain their
Use synonyms
children
Check wording
children's
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development
Use synonyms
.

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tip
Write a clear plan at the start: say your view, give two reasons, then end with a short conclusion.
tip
Make each paragraph deal with one idea. Start with a simple topic sentence and end with a link to the next idea.
warning
Use only safe, simple examples that fit the topic. Do not use crime cases or harm to people.
content
The writer shows a clear stance in favor of limiting screen time.
content
There are two main ideas given as reasons.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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