Some people think that getting old is a negative thing, whereas others think it is much easier for people to live in modern society. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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In contemporary times, one school of thought holds that being elderly is harmful development,

whereas

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others assert that it helps their lives be more comfortable.

This

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essay attempts to shed light on both perspectives before concluding that I am in favour of the latter notion. On the one hand, it is understandable why an increase in age could negatively affect each inhabitant. First and foremost, it could lead the elderly to lose their financial independence.

This

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is because they might no longer be able to adapt to the requirements of a job, particularly manual labour jobs, which could lower their salaries or even be fired.

Furthermore

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, old citizens might become a burden to their families.

For example

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, they are at high risk of having serious health problems

such

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as heart

diseases

Fix the agreement mistake

disease

show examples

or cancer in the worst scenario.

As a result

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, their children and offspring have to work overtime to pay treatment expenses

as well as

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struggle more to make ends meet.

On the other hand

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, there are a host of compelling reasons why I am convinced that becoming the aged has several profound merits. One rationale is that they might have numerous lived experiences. Because of

this

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, they could quickly handle the issues that happened in their families or workplaces, thereby protecting them from depression, anxiety, and nervousness. Another justification is that aged individuals could have a stable life. To be more specific, they cannot easily pay their living costs

such

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as accommodation, food, and bills, but

also

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have a budget for their hobbies, which allows them to completely enjoy their lives

as well as

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brings

Correct subject-verb agreement

bring

show examples

a bright future to their children. In conclusion, it is irrefutable that old age could adverse impact on the number of citizens, I would contend that it could have underestimated advantages.

Submitted by khoihoangtrong96 on Wed Apr 03 2024

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coherence cohesion

Try to vary your sentence structures more to make your writing engaging. While the essay is well-structured, incorporating a wider range of complex sentences can enhance clarity and reader engagement.

task achievement

While providing examples, strive to link them more explicitly to the point you're making. This will ensure your argument is clearly understood and makes it easier for the reader to follow your reasoning.

task achievement

Consider using fewer generalizations about 'the elderly'. Instead, present a wider range of specific scenarios or personal examples to support your arguments. This makes your essay more relatable and persuasive.

task achievement

The essay effectively introduces both views and asserts your own position, providing a clear structure for your discussion.

coherence cohesion

You demonstrate a good use of transitional phrases, like 'On the one hand' and 'On the other hand', which aids in creating a logical flow of ideas.

task achievement

Your conclusion succinctly encapsulates your opinion, effectively summarizing the preceding discussion in a way that feels resolved and thoughtful.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

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9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 7.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

297 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

Fertility
Maternal health
Psychological stability
Social maturity
Economic benefits
Shared responsibilities
Ancestral customs
Cultural imperatives
Personal development
Career establishment
Societal norms
Lifestyle choices
Divorce rates
Life decisions
Subjective wellbeing

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Some people think that getting old is a negative thing, whereas others think it is much easier for people to live in modern society. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

it is important for people to take risk, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. do you think the advantage of taking risks outweights the disadvantages?

Some people think the the main purpose of schools is to turn children into good citizens and workers, instead of benefiting them as individuals. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

There are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important than the international music that is heard everywhere nowadays?

Nowadays the way people interact with each other has changed because of technology. Is it a positive or negative development, and if so why give rleveant example.