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Writing Samples /
Band 7

Some people think that getting old is a negative thing, whereas others think it is much easier for people to live in modern society. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #society
In contemporary times, one school of thought holds that being elderly is harmful development,
whereas
 others assert that it helps their lives be more comfortable.
This
 essay attempts to shed light on both perspectives before concluding that I am in favour of the latter notion. On the one hand, it is understandable why an increase in age could negatively affect each inhabitant. First and foremost, it could lead the elderly to lose their financial independence.
This
 is because they might no longer be able to adapt to the requirements of a job, particularly manual labour jobs, which could lower their salaries or even be fired.
Furthermore
, old citizens might become a burden to their families.
For example
, they are at high risk of having serious health problems
such
 as heart
diseases
Fix the agreement mistake
disease
show examples
 or cancer in the worst scenario.
As a result
, their children and offspring have to work overtime to pay treatment expenses
as well as
 struggle more to make ends meet.
On the other hand
, there are a host of compelling reasons why I am convinced that becoming the aged has several profound merits. One rationale is that they might have numerous lived experiences. Because of
this
, they could quickly handle the issues that happened in their families or workplaces, thereby protecting them from depression, anxiety, and nervousness. Another justification is that aged individuals could have a stable life. To be more specific, they cannot easily pay their living costs
such
 as accommodation, food, and bills, but
also
 have a budget for their hobbies, which allows them to completely enjoy their lives
as well as
brings
Correct subject-verb agreement
bring
show examples
 a bright future to their children. In conclusion, it is irrefutable that old age could adverse impact on the number of citizens, I would contend that it could have underestimated advantages.
Submitted by khoihoangtrong96 on

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coherence cohesion
Try to vary your sentence structures more to make your writing engaging. While the essay is well-structured, incorporating a wider range of complex sentences can enhance clarity and reader engagement.
task achievement
While providing examples, strive to link them more explicitly to the point you're making. This will ensure your argument is clearly understood and makes it easier for the reader to follow your reasoning.
task achievement
Consider using fewer generalizations about 'the elderly'. Instead, present a wider range of specific scenarios or personal examples to support your arguments. This makes your essay more relatable and persuasive.
task achievement
The essay effectively introduces both views and asserts your own position, providing a clear structure for your discussion.
coherence cohesion
You demonstrate a good use of transitional phrases, like 'On the one hand' and 'On the other hand', which aids in creating a logical flow of ideas.
task achievement
Your conclusion succinctly encapsulates your opinion, effectively summarizing the preceding discussion in a way that feels resolved and thoughtful.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Fertility
  • Maternal health
  • Psychological stability
  • Social maturity
  • Economic benefits
  • Shared responsibilities
  • Ancestral customs
  • Cultural imperatives
  • Personal development
  • Career establishment
  • Societal norms
  • Lifestyle choices
  • Divorce rates
  • Life decisions
  • Subjective wellbeing
What to do next:
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