The range of technology available to people is increasing the gap between the rich and the poor. Other think it has an opposite effect. Discuss both views and give your opinions.

Some
people
believe that
technology
is a reason for increasing the
gap
between the wealthy and the poor
while
others think that
technology
is narrowing down the
gap
between social
classes
. From my standpoint, it is just right with some
devices
that
really
Add a missing verb
are really
show examples
expenses
Replace the word
expensive
show examples
. For the common
technology
devices
, it is not totally right as will now be discussed. I believe that
technology
development has helped optimize the price of
technology
devices
and increase the
overall
living standard. There are many
devices
and facilities
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
created based on kinds of
technology
such
as smartphones, housewares, commuting
transportations
Fix the agreement mistake
transportation
show examples
, … so
people
can get many benefits from using it to improve their quality of life.
Additionally
, with the development of smart
devices
, the connection between
people
is closer. Friends, family members,
stakeholders
Correct word choice
and stakeholders
show examples
who stay from different locals can easily interact via platforms or video calls to
sharing
Wrong verb form
share
show examples
,
chatting
Correct word choice
and chatting
show examples
, video calls. Apparently,
technology
is playing an important role and getting
people
together.
On the other hand
, opinions think that
technology
Correct article usage
the technology
show examples
available
increase
Change the verb form
increases
show examples
the
gap
between the wealthy and the poverty,
it
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
is not wrong. Many
luxuries
Fix the agreement mistake
luxury
show examples
technological products are super expensive
such
as
hi-end
Correct your spelling
high-end
show examples
cars, yachts, or private jets; these enhanced
devices
are treated as an icon of the luxury life and only the
high
Correct your spelling
high-class
show examples
classes
people
can afford them.
This
helps shine the owners, giving them confidence and emphasizing their positions in society.
Besides
that, it is not too important for wealthy
people
in terms of financial conditions, they are willing to pay a high price to become pioneers to try fabulous new experiences. The elite
classes
with their experiences,
powerful
Replace the word
power
show examples
and business acumen, may invest in
this
new
technology
to enhance their business by applying
this
new
technology
for mass production, as mentioned above it helps
reducing
Wrong verb form
reduce
show examples
expenses that lower
classes
easier
Add a missing verb
are easier
show examples
to approach. In conclusion,
although
technology
may increase the
gap
between the rich and the poor, I keep my optimistic view about
technology
products marking the
transform
Replace the word
transformation
show examples
of living
standard
Fix the agreement mistake
standards
show examples
.
Submitted by khoiminhnguyen1411 on

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coherence cohesion
The essay contains relevant points, but the structure and organization of the ideas need improvement. Divide the essay into clear paragraphs, each presenting a different aspect of the topic. Ensure that the introduction clearly states the two opposing views and the opinion of the writer.
task achievement
The essay provides a response to the question and presents some examples to support the arguments. However, the introduction and conclusion require more clarity and purpose. Ensure that each paragraph directly contributes to the overall argument and addresses the prompt.

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