IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3.5

Some people believe that there should be a fixed punishment for all types of crime. Others feel that the circumstances of an offence should be taken into account when deciding on a punishment. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #punishment #crime #circumstances #offence #account
Any country that
aim
Change the verb form
aims
show examples
 to be
crime
 free or have fewer crimes should have strict rules for criminal.
Mostpeople
Correct your spelling
Most people
 want
punishment
 should be strict for any kind of
crime
. They want the law to be strictly followed.
On the other hand
, some
people
 want that
punishment
 should be decided
according to
 the intensity of the
crime
.
Firstly
, there should be a fear of
punishment
 in
people
 who have
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 negative mind. Because if there is no strict
punishment
 for any
crime
 the rate of
crime
 would rise.
For example
, if
punishment
Correct article usage
the punishment
show examples
 for the thief is three years in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
jail. It should be implemented on every person who theft anything whether
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 it’s a small wallet or a piece of heavy
jewelry
Change the spelling
jewellery
show examples
. It would create a sense of fear and the
society
 will sooner be
crime
 free.
Secondly
, if punishments will decide on the basis of circumstances, it will cause injustice in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
.
People
 who have more money or influential
people
 by their side, will find a loophole and escape. It will cause many distractions to
society
. Nobody will have any fear of
punishment
. Everybody will find a new way to clean chit.
However
, I believe that
punishment
 should be fixed for any kind of
crime
. Despite, any of the circumstances the criminal should be punished
according to
 the law. In conclusion, for a
society
, free of crimes, the law should strictly be implemented. It will help to develop a safer
society
.
Submitted by aa on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: