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Writing Samples
Band 6

The charts below give information on the ages of the populations of Yemen and Italy in 2000 and projections for 2050.

The charts below give information on the ages of the populations of Yemen and Italy in 2000 and projections for 2050.
#information #ages #populations #yemen #projections
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The four pie graphs illustrate
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the ages of the inhabitants of
Yemen
Use synonyms
 and Italy in 2000 and
Correct pronoun usage
their expection
show examples
expection
Correct your spelling
expectations
 for 2050.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 in
Yemen
Use synonyms
 the prediction
indicuate
Correct your spelling
indicate
indicates
indicated
 that
percentage
Correct article usage
the percentage
show examples
 of senior and
adult
Use synonyms
 people will
show
Use synonyms
Add an article
an
show examples
increase,
while
Linking Words
children
Use synonyms
 will
show
Use synonyms
Correct article usage
a decrese
show examples
decrese
Correct your spelling
decrease
 in future.
In contrast
Linking Words
, Italy will
show
Use synonyms
increase
Add an article
an increase
show examples
 in
elderly
Correct article usage
the elderly
show examples
 ,
while
Linking Words
 it will
show
Use synonyms
decline
Add an article
a decline
show examples
 in
proportion
Add an article
the proportion
show examples
 of
children
Use synonyms
 and
Use synonyms
adult
Fix the agreement mistake
adults
show examples
. Looking at
chart
Add an article
the chart
show examples
 in more detail, the percentage of
Use synonyms
adult
Fix the agreement mistake
adults
show examples
 (15-59) in
Yemen
Use synonyms
 will expect to dramatically raise from 46.3 to 57.3 %.
In contrast
Linking Words
, in
Itely
Correct your spelling
Italy
 the proportion of
Use synonyms
adult
Fix the agreement mistake
adults
show examples
 will predict to
significant
Change the word
significantly
show examples
 went down from 61.6 to 46,2%. Regarding
children
Use synonyms
, the percentage of
children
Use synonyms
 will expect to
show
Use synonyms
 a remarkable decline in
Yemen
Use synonyms
 from 50.1 to 37 % ,
while
Linking Words
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Itely
Correct your spelling
Italy
also
Linking Words
 will
show
Use synonyms
decrease
Add an article
a decrease
show examples
 from 14.3 to 11.5
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
. When it comes
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 older people, in
Yemen
Use synonyms
 predict
indicate
Correct subject-verb agreement
indicates
show examples
 from
slightly
Change the adverb
slight
show examples
 increase from 3.6 to 5.7 %,
whereas
Linking Words
 in
Itely
Correct your spelling
Italy
 senior people will
show
Use synonyms
Correct article usage
a dramaitcally
show examples
dramaitcally
Correct your spelling
dramatically
 went up from 24.1 to 42.3 per cent.
Submitted by faiz3177 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "in contrast, while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words yemen, adult, show, children with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "show" was used 7 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decline" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "went down" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 3 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • age demographics
  • age structure
  • population distribution
  • youthful population
  • ageing population
  • life expectancy
  • birth rate
  • demographic shift
  • population projection
  • median age
  • dependents
  • working-age population
  • elderly dependents
  • geriatric
  • fertility rate
  • migration
  • demographic trends
  • baby boomers
  • demographic dividend
  • population pyramid
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