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Writing Samples
Band 7

In the past, when student did a university degree, they tended to study in their own country. Nowadays, they have more opportunity to study abroad. What are the advantage and disadvantage of this development?

#student #university #study #country #opportunity #advantage #development
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Nowadays,Since the world is globalized,more
students
 have a
chance
 to study abroad.Some people might argue that doing
this
 provides more opportunity ,
whereas
 the others disagree and are concerned about brain drain.In the following paragraphs, both of these views will be discussed in detail. On the one hand,Studying abroad is substantially beneficial ,especially for
students
 in developing
countries
.There is a
chance
 for
students
 who are at the top of their classes to obtain knowledge from excellent professors and to utilize
this
 knowledge making benefits to mankind.
For instance
,In my
countries
,
students
 who graduated from foreign universities tend to be experts in their fields and have a higher income.
Additionally
,going abroad means it is a good
chance
 to learn new languages giving them more advantage compared to
students
 who study in their own
countries
.
On the other hand
,there is a
chance
 that once
this
students
 experiencing other
countries
' atmosphere,they might not want to go back.
This
 is a major concern problem for the governments leaking the best citizens to others.
Thus
 before they sign a scholarship contact,
students
 are forced to go back working in their own
countries
 within duration of years that contract written.
Moreover
,studying abroad means they have to stay in another country for a very long period of time.
This
 might cause mental illness problems since they do not have familiar acquaintances to talk to and still need time to adjust to different cultures. In conclusion,studying abroad is the best opportunity for
students
 in developing
countries
.
However
,there is a
chance
 that once we send those
students
 they might not come back to help develop their own
countries
 so the governments should consider carefully before writing the contracts.
Submitted by chawanat.pla on

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task achievement
To achieve a higher band score, aim to develop your ideas more comprehensively. This involves providing more detailed supporting examples or elaborating further on your points, particularly when discussing the transition of students not wanting to return to their home country.
coherence cohesion
Work on enhancing the logical flow of ideas in your essay. This can be improved by using more linking phrases to ensure ideas connect smoothly and logically from one to the next, particularly between paragraphs.
task achievement
Consider expanding your discussion on the mental health challenges faced by students abroad with specific examples or studies to strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
You've successfully included an introduction and conclusion in your essay, which helps frame your main ideas neatly.
task achievement
Your essay demonstrates a good understanding of the task. You've clearly presented both advantages and disadvantages of studying abroad, fulfilling the task requirements.
task achievement
You've utilized an example relevant to your home country, which adds depth and specificity to your argument.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Global awareness
  • Cross-cultural skills
  • Linguistic environment
  • Proficiency
  • Independence
  • Self-reliance
  • Personal growth
  • Financial burden
  • Debt
  • Cultural barriers
  • Language barriers
  • Academic performance
  • Homesickness
  • Cultural shock
  • Well-being
  • Focus
  • Adjust to a new environment
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