IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people say that “success is 10 percent talent and 90 percent hard work.” Is hard work key to success , or is talent also important ?

#people #“success #percent #talent #work #success
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Perhaps every individual has a definition of
success
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 for themselves, but whether they had a question like how they could do to be successful or to transform their lives from a normal life into an amazing life. In my view, if someone wants to be a successful
person
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, they must have all factors
such
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 as hard
work
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,
talent
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, luck, belief and discipline. All of these must be important things to create a perfect version of themselves.
Firstly
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, I think hard
work
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 is a way to become successful.
Because if
Correct word choice
If
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 you don’t hard-working to practise the new things have learned after a long
day
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, you will forget
this
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 too fast and practising
is help
Wrong verb form
helps
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 you have more patience as well. In
this
Linking Words
 modern society, the most essential thing for
everyone
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every one
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day
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 by
day
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 is studying. By studying, you can have an opportunity to interact with a
person
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 who has the same passion and level as you.
Also
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, you will
expose
Wrong verb form
be exposed
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 to new knowledge every
day
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 about the world. If you
work
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 hard and try your best to absorb
this
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 from your heart, the good result will come with you and your dream will come true.
Hence
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, individuals don’t think about everybody around them and just believe in themselves and try hard every
day
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.
However
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, we
also
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 have some situations where a few people become successful
due to
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 their
talent
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.
This
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 cannot be entirely recognised. Because they have a natural ability or good genetics from their parents. They
have
Wrong verb form
had
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 half of the
success
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 at that time. If they want to catch
success
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, they
also
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 have a way to develop their skills and must have a strong will, and don’t think like I am successful. It makes them become a turkey-cock and the distance between them and their
success
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 is far away. That’s why
talent
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 is a crucial factor
to become
Change preposition
in becoming
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 a
success
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, but if
only
Rephrase
apply
show examples
talent
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 is not enough, people have to upgrade themselves every
day
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 too. Actually, the key to opening a successful door depends on each
person
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. If a
person
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 doesn’t have
talent
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 or hard
work
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, but they have luck, which can lead to
success
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 of them.
Also
Linking Words
, other necessary factors for
success
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 are belief and discipline. It means that if they believe that they are able to achieve
success
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 and obey the rules of themselves, I think they can have the ability to be a successful
person
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. In my view,
success
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 is not difficult but it relies on the individuals. How they can
do to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
have a chance to create a new page for their lives? I think people shouldn’t care about
this
Linking Words
 so much, just care about themselves and know what they should do.
Submitted by vuhien4397 on

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task response
Please ensure to address the prompt directly and provide a clear argument for or against the importance of hard work and talent in achieving success.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay displays a basic logical structure, but there are areas where the ideas are not fully developed. Ensure that each paragraph contributes to the overall coherence of the essay and that all ideas are clearly connected and explained.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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