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Band 6.5

Some people think that all teenagers should be required to do unpaid work in their free time to help the local community. They believe this would benefit both individual teenager and silociety as a whole. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #teenagers #work #time #community #teenager #silociety
It is believed that the younger generation should be forced to do volunteering jobs in order to assist the local
community
 and
this
 would be beneficial not only to individual
teenagers
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
 to social groups.
Although
 it seems to be advantageous, I think younger
people
 should not be made to do unpaid
work
. On the one hand,
teenagers
 who have physical effort should be called to assist in
community
work
 in their leisure time. Lest they should be stubborn, the local
community
 would be accountable for their behaviour and with the help of unsalaried
work
, they might be able to control their social behaviour.
Furthermore
,
teenagers
 who participated in local
community
work
 may care about their environment's cleanliness and be proactive in other
people
's negative activities.
For example
, morally, children who throw away litter to the street can be punished and admonished by attentive
teenagers
 who contribute to local free
community
work
. Thanks to forced
community
work
,
teenagers
 can encounter social problems and these help them to shape more sociable and responsible character.
On the other hand
, young
people
 should not be obliged to do free
community
 activities,
such
 as sweeping roads, or painting trees. First and foremost, the requirement can affect
teenagers
' minds negatively and destroy their self-confidence because these kinds of
work
 would be considered to be a low-degreed job by some
people
. Second of all, moral obligations by society (especially free
work
) can be counter-productive for
teenagers
. In their
teens
Change to a genitive case
teen's
teens'
show examples
 age, they should not tend to listen or take advice from older generations.
Therefore
, the
community
 using
teenagers
 in
Add an article
the work
show examples
work force
Correct your spelling
workforce
show examples
 should take moral steps to address them for local unpaid
work
 voluntarily in their free time. In conclusion, despite the advantages of
teenagers
' help with free
community
 activities, some negatives should be included so as not to be counter-productive in obliged jobs without fees.
Submitted by kmuxayyo97 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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