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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart shows the number of mobile phones and landlines per 100 people in selected countries. Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information given.

The chart shows the number of mobile phones and landlines per 100 people in selected countries. Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information given.
#phones #landlines #people #countries #report #university #lecturer #information
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The bar graph illustrates the
comparisan
Correct your spelling
comparison
 between cell
phone
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 and home
phone
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
user
Fix the agreement mistake
users
show examples
 per one
hundered
Correct your spelling
hundred
 people
Change preposition
in amoung
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amoung
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among
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
contries
Correct your spelling
countries
.
Overall
Linking Words
, Mobile
phone
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
user
Fix the agreement mistake
users
show examples
 are higher in
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
, Sweden, Italy and
germany
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Germany
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 as compared with other
countires
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countries
 Canada,
US
Correct article usage
the US
show examples
 and Demark
whereas
Linking Words
 found excess landline
users
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. To
begain
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begin
 with, Landline
users
Use synonyms
 are quite similar in most of the
contires
Correct your spelling
countries
counties
, it is approximately 60
Use synonyms
user
Fix the agreement mistake
users
show examples
 per 100,
however
Linking Words
,
sharp
Correct article usage
a sharp
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 rose found in demark
that is
Linking Words
 below 90 and
exact
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exactly
show examples
 on
oposite
Correct your spelling
opposite
 side the landline
users
Use synonyms
 are very less in Ilaty.
In addition
Linking Words
, Denmark is topping in
chart
Add an article
the chart
a chart
show examples
 with
highest
Correct article usage
the highest
show examples
landine
Correct your spelling
landline
Use synonyms
user
Fix the agreement mistake
users
show examples
 and lowest in Ilay amongst all the
contries
Correct your spelling
countries
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, Denmark and UK have
significant
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significantly
show examples
 higher cellular
phone
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
user
Fix the agreement mistake
users
show examples
 above 80 people, but
top
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the top
show examples
 of the mobile
users
Use synonyms
 are in Sweden and Italy, around 90.
On
Change preposition
In
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
contrast, mobile
Use synonyms
user
Fix the agreement mistake
users
show examples
 are
less
Correct quantifier usage
fewer
show examples
 in Germany, US and Canada which are around 70, 50 and 40 people per 100, respectively.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, Ilaty has
Correct article usage
the higest
show examples
higest
Correct your spelling
highest
mobile
Correct quantifier usage
number of mobile
show examples
users
Use synonyms
 followed by Sweden, UK and Denmark.
Submitted by kintans54 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words phone, user, users with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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