Some people spend a lot of money celebrating personal family events, such as weddings and birthdays. How important is it to celebrate such events? Do you think people spend too much money on these events?

It is true that
individuals
love celebration, especially at birthdays and weddings. From my perspective, it is very important to celebrate these
events
because
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
merely
happens
Correct subject-verb agreement
happen
show examples
once in life, albeit
individuals
definitely spend a high
far
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
amount on
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
. Commemorative
events
such
as birthdays or weddings are crucial to be celebrated
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
because
individuals
will not be able to re-experience it.
For example
, age 18th birthday is when a teenager transforms into an adult spiritually. In Taiwan’s tradition, elders will prepare a ceremony to celebrate
this
birthday in order to make
this
fantastic moment special. In terms of wedding, it represents two different aspects, one of which is a second life beginning, a new family, and the other is one of the characters' end, a child. These
events
are definitely worth celebrating.
However
,
individuals
usually spend a ridiculous amount of
money
on these
events
. Even though these occasions are valuable to be celebrated, people often over-decorate their parties, which costs a huge amount of
money
.
For instance
, celebrating with fireworks has become a popular way in recent years. It is an unnecessary and expensive decoration but now it turns out to be a symbol of celebration.
Furthermore
, the prices of celebration gifts are growing as well. Previously, a nice rose
is
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
an optimum choice for gifts, but now, most teenagers prefer to hand out luxuries like Gucci or Prada to express their hearts. In conclusion, celebrating these
events
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
undoubtedly essential, but
individuals
have spent too much
money
on it. People can consider doing more meaningful activities
instead
of wasting their
money
on celebrations.
Submitted by anson900506 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Ensure that you fully address the essay prompt and provide a clear, comprehensive response to each question.
coherence and cohesion
Improve the organization and connection of ideas throughout the essay to enhance coherence and cohesion.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: