IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Most people have forgotten the meaning behind traditional religious festivals, during festival periods, people nowadays only want to enjoy themselves. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#people #festivals #periods
Some people argue that humans no longer remember the original meaning of
festivals
 and that most citizens treat them as opportunities to have fun.
While
 I agree that enjoyment seems to be the priority during festival times, I do not agree that dwellers let their meaning fade away. On the one hand, religious and traditional feasts have certainly become pastimes for celebration. In many countries, Christmas is
concerned as
Verb problem
considered
show examples
 a festival period for families to go shopping, give and receive presents and enjoy traditional meals.
Therefore
, most Christians look forward to Christmas as a holiday pastime, rather than a time to practise religion. Similar behaviour can be seen during non-religious
festivals
,
such
 as Bonfire Night. Communities associated with
this
 occasion with making fires, watching firework displays and perhaps going to large events in local parks.
In other words
, entertainment is people's primary goal.
On the other hand
, I disagree with the idea that the underlying meaning of
such
festivals
 has been forgotten. In many nations, children learn in detail about religious reasons for celebrating Christmas, Easter and a variety of anniversaries in other religions.
For example
, in late December, kids sing the Holy Night song which has a religious content, and they may even perform nativity plays telling the story of Jesus's birth. Families
also
 play a role in passing knowledge of religious
festivals
' deeper significance on the next generation. The same is true for
festivals
 that have a historical background
such
 as Bonfire Night or Halloween, in the sense that city-dwellers generally learn the stories behind these occasions at an early age. In conclusion,
although
 people mainly want to enjoy themselves during holidays, I believe that they are still aware of the reasons for these celebrations.
Submitted by kylehouston0194 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that your examples directly support your main points.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are fully present, but try to vary your linking words and transition phrases for better coherence.
lexical resource
Expand your range of vocabulary to convey ideas more effectively.
grammatical range
Use a wider range of complex structures to demonstrate a more varied command of grammar.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Commercialization
  • Globalization
  • Cultural dilution
  • Traditional values
  • Secularization
  • Festivity
  • Heritage
  • Individualism vs. collectivism
  • Consumer culture
  • Intangible cultural heritage
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