IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

Some governments provide financial assistance for retired, unemployed and disabled citizens. In other countries, families provide support for these people. Discuss both systems and give your opinion about which one you think is better.

#governments #assistance #citizens #countries #families #support #people #systems
All around the world, there are different provisions of monetary help to retirees, unemployed and handicapped residents. In some states, the government provides all funding,
while
 in others it is mainly an individual's and his family's responsibility to bear all expenses including medical bills, old age homes stay and even in case of any emergency. In my opinion, financial aid from the authorities makes a logical and responsible action.
However
, in
this
 essay, I will discuss both these views and points in support of my belief.
Firstly
, in almost all nations, a major part of the government finance budget comes from
tax
 collection which is deducted from their citizen's incomes and
this
tax
 rule is uniformly applicable to all private
as well as
 government jobs. In countries like Japan and Australia, almost 50 % of the income goes into
tax
 which results in very less savings for the future.
Nevertheless
, these countries
also
 provide back free health care, old age assistance and even free recreational homes to support unemployed and retired people.
Therefore
, people stay stress-free and do not worry about their future. 
Nevertheless
, in most developing countries, despite good
tax
 collection from public funds, individual families bear all costs and concerns of their members whether retirees, unemployed or disabled. There is always a crisis and tension in
this
 kind of arrangement and so even young earners worry about their retirement future which obviously affects their present health and lifestyle. A report from BBC highlighted the lowest happiness index of
such
 nations as citizens are often worried about expenses. In my belief, a government-aided financial system is the right approach to support citizens who are not earning a regular income
such
 as people who are retired, are not employed and are physically not fit for work.
This
 system allows harmony, and happiness and avoids stress in a society.
Submitted by sonyasharma01 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial assistance
  • retired
  • unemployed
  • disabled
  • government support
  • safety net
  • social security
  • pensions
  • poverty
  • social inequality
  • redistribute
  • wealth
  • savings
  • financial planning
  • political climate
  • economic stability
  • familial support
  • intergenerational
  • community ties
  • pressure
  • strained relationships
  • feasible
What to do next:
Look at other essays: