IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some believe that advances in technology are increasing the gap between rich and poor while others think the opposite is happening. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.

#believe #advances #technology #gap
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Some
people
 argue that in
this
 modern
society
, technological advancements are increasing the
gap
 between the poor and the wealthy
while
 other
people
 believe that
technology
 is decreasing the
gap
 between them. In my opinion, I firmly believe that there are certain technologies available to all
people
 in
society
 that significantly bridge the
gap
 between the rich and the poor. On the one hand, the proponents of the viewpoint that the continuous advancement of
technology
 makes
society
 polarized. In light of the high cost of
newly-product
Correct your spelling
new products
show examples
, the poorer segments of
society
 can not afford to access those technological advancements, so they deny the opportunities those
technology
Change the determiner
technologies
show examples
 provide. As a matter of fact, in the pharmaceutical industry with effective
technology
 integration, professionals have launched new drugs to fight against those diseases, which were considered impossible tasks in the past.
However
, those modern medicines are very costly and only affluent sections of
society
 can access these treatments and improve their health status with only a small fraction of their income. To illustrate, a wealthy man is diagnosed with cancer, he would take the best treatment from a top-flight hospital with well-trained doctors to take care of him,
whereas
 a person who has deprived circumstances, would spend all their money on conventional remedy and yet there is no guarantee that his condition will improve.
On the other hand
, it is an indisputable fact that the internet has revolutionized the way humans work or communicate. In fact, there is still a huge volume of inventions and discoveries that decreased the
gap
 between
people
 of all social statuses. The Internet offers users a piece of wide-ranging information which is significantly helpful to them. More importantly,
technology
 has removed geographical barriers and allowed for more employment opportunities, as applications like Google Hangout, and Skype have enabled employees to work from home. To illustrate, during the Covid-19 pandemic, the Vietnamese authority launched a new domestic policy, which required citizens to stay in quarantine at home.
As a result
, a number of companies have had to close because of the Covid-19 outbreak,
this
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 gave rise to a greater number of unemployed employees. Fortunately, a new straightforward solution has been implemented as a life-saver to both companies and workers, it
was
Wrong verb form
is
show examples
 e-working, which means the employees could work from home via some social network platforms. By way of conclusion, even though technological advancements could make community polarized, I opine that there are certain innovations in
technology
 that would dramatically bridge the disparity between all
people
 from all different social statuses
Submitted by anhthu3826 on

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task response
Ensure that all parts of the essay directly address the task prompt and express a clear opinion on the topic.
coherence cohesion
Use a wider variety of linking words and cohesive devices to improve the logical flow and connection between ideas.
lexical resource
Expand your vocabulary and use more precise and descriptive language to enhance the quality of your writing.
grammatical range
Work on sentence structure and sentence variety to demonstrate a wider range of grammatical structures.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • advances in technology
  • gap between rich and poor
  • economic inequality
  • access to technology
  • competitive edge
  • job displacement
  • automation
  • impoverished areas
  • technological innovations
  • new job opportunities
  • internet connectivity
  • access to information
  • empower
  • educate
  • disadvantaged backgrounds
  • mobile banking
  • financial inclusion
  • education technology
  • equal learning opportunities
  • exacerbate
  • alleviate
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