Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Music
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is an industry that covers a huge area worldwide. Some individuals believe that
music
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is a powerful means of connecting people across different cultures and generations.
While
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I largely agree that
music
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can be a powerful tool for understanding individuals from different backgrounds, it is a double-edged sword, as it can actually divide entire groups.
This
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essay will discuss both views before presenting my own opinion. On the one hand,
music
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has the potential to transcend cultural, racial, and generational barriers.
For instance
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, jazz originated within the African-American community but
nevertheless
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quickly expanded beyond other communities and started to shape its historical and ethnic base. Jazz
music
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inspired many styles and is itself performed and listened to all around the world
thus
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, other cultures have started to build new expressions, and the celebration of diversity has increased, which are universal values.
However
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,
on the other hand
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, not all
music
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brings communities together. Certain genres or lyrics may carry political, cultural, or controversial messages that divide rather than unite.
For example
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, protest songs or political
music
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can create tensions between different social groups, leading to cultural clashes or public. Especially in
this
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case,
music
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becomes a reflection of conflict rather than harmony. In conclusion, the argument is whether art is a way to form togetherness among people with different cultures and age groups together or not. From my standpoint, I agree that
music
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is a strong tool that can actually be a powerful tool, finding a response and aiming to create a connection between politics, world issues, and identity. Perhaps
this
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approach can
also
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form
such
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cultural problems. To minimize the issue, artists should be more careful
while
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launching
music
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.

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coherence and cohesion
Strengthen the conclusion by summarizing your main points more clearly and reinforcing your personal stance.
task achievement
Ensure that your examples are specific and directly relate to the points you are trying to support for better clarity.
task achievement
Consider providing a more balanced view by incorporating a few sentences that delve deeper into one of the divisions caused by music, to enhance the discussion.
task achievement
The introduction effectively outlines both perspectives and sets up the argument clearly.
coherence and cohesion
You provided a good range of vocabulary and a generally suitable structure, which enhances readability.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • universal language
  • evoke
  • connect
  • diverse audiences
  • cultural exchange
  • generational gaps
  • shared experiences
  • unifying force
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