IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

In many countries, schoolchildren are required to wear school uniforms. ‏Do you think this should this be enforced in all schools?

#countries #schoolchildren #school #uniforms #‏do #be #schools
The majority of educational institutions around the world make their students wear uniforms. In my opinion, it should become an obligation for everybody around the planet. I think
this
 way for some reasons that I will explain in the following paragraphs. First of all, the use of the same clothes helps to identify which school is that person going
.
Fix the infinitive
to.
show examples
Therefore
, it doesn’t get confused with other academies in the same area.
For instance
, the school that I went to had a blue suit, and the one next to me had a yellow one. The break for both buildings was at the same time.
Hence
, professors could watch their own kids because of the colour of their costumes.
Also
, using the same logo gives recognition to that place.
Secondly
, it is a benefit for parents because they don’t need to buy a lot of clothes for their kids to wear every day.
Instead
, they can use the same for a few days.
Additionally
, they save money washing a lot of accessories.
Finally
, it is
also
 beneficial for the schoolchildren because they don’t have to think every day about what is going to be their outfit.
For example
, when I was in high school, I was frustrated every night thinking about what to use the next day. I have always been a picky person, so, it was difficult for me to decide what to wear. But, if
instead
, I would have the option of using the same dress, I would have been so happy. In conclusion, all schools around the world should require the same attire for everybody because it is beneficial for parents and students.
Also
, It gives the institution a good recognition
Submitted by cagriffith on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
You need to improve the organization of your ideas, specifically the logical structure of your essay. Also, make sure your introduction and conclusion are more explicit and relevant to the topic.
task achievement
Your essay provides a somewhat complete response to the task, but it lacks clear and comprehensive development of ideas. Try to provide more relevant and specific examples to support your arguments.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: