IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Some people find it difficult to manage their money. How could the government help prevent debt problems and support such people.

#people #money #government #debt #support
In some cases, the cause of poverty is not the lack of money-making opportunities, but rather the lack of money management skills that cause people to either use them all or lose them just as quickly, opening the doors to
debt
 problems and other financial issues. It is the
government
’s duty to ensure the well-being of its citizens and support them.
Therefore
, it is important to consider how the
government
 can help with
this
problem
.
Firstly
, educational seminars may provide insight
as to
Change preposition
into
show examples
 the main causes and the
behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours
show examples
 leading to the
problem
.
This
 increases
overall
 understanding of the topic
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and tells people the consequences of their possible actions.
While
 it may be expensive to manage and done in an effective manner, it is worth the investment as it helps the citizens’ common ongoing
problem
.
In addition
, the
government
 can start cooperating with banks and other corporations where massive debts are reported and credit scores are shared. With
this
, people with a
lot
 of
debt
 can be closely monitored, and those who already have a
lot
 of
debt
 can be denied more. A drawback to
this
 is how it may come in the way of those in dire need of money, but closely monitoring them can allow the
government
 to help them in various ways.
Lastly
, the most extreme solution could be punishments like limiting their card and not allowing
further
debt
 for those who have been in them for a long time. A clear punishment has the possibility to completely eradicate the
problem
 as its source.
However
,
this
 may be overstepping the
government
's jurisdiction as those actions are not something they have the power to do. In conclusion, the
government
 can help prevent its citizens’
debt
 problems by starting educational campaigns, cooperating with banks to monitor those with a
lot
 of
debt
, and issuing punishment for those with a
lot
 of
debt
.
Submitted by kelly on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

relevant specific examples
The essay could benefit from more specific examples to illustrate the points being made. For instance, mentioning real educational initiatives that have helped people manage money effectively or examples of government-bank cooperation in other countries.
logical structure
Improve the logical structure by making each paragraph flow more smoothly into the next. Using transitional phrases and ensuring each point naturally leads to the next will make the essay more coherent.
supported main points
The main points are well-supported, but more depth and expansion are needed to strengthen the arguments. Further elaboration on each solution and addressing potential counterarguments would be beneficial.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction clearly outlines the problem and the role of the government in addressing it, setting up the essay well.
introduction conclusion present
The conclusion effectively summarizes the key points discussed and reaffirms the solutions proposed, which provides a strong closing to the essay.
clear comprehensive ideas
The main ideas are clear and comprehensively cover the different ways the government can help, showing a good understanding of the topic.
complete response
The essay responds completely to the task by exploring multiple methods through which the government can assist with preventing debt problems, reflecting a well-rounded approach.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: