IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people regard eating meat as completely wrong. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #meat
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It is argued that
meat
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 consumption is unethical, against animal rights, and can potentially be detrimental to human health.
However
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, others believe that every human being has the freedom to choose their source of
food
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.
While
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 I understand why people are against using
meat
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, I strongly believe that
meat
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 is paramount in people's
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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. On the one hand, every creature has the will to exist; all desire to live in peace without suffering.
Therefore
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, it is against moral norms to kill living entities for
food
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. For illustration, in many prestigious religions
such
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 as Buddhism and Hinduism, people are motivated to become vegetarians, consume wholesome vegetables, and domesticate or protect animals to live in harmony together.
Furthermore
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, it has been substantiated by scientists that
meat
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 and red
meat
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 could pose severe health problems to long-term consumers because of high amounts of bacteria and unknown added substances, especially in obscure markets where unqualified products are sold.
However
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, throughout history,
meat
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 has been undeniably one of the most imperative parts of our daily meals, as it contains various types of Vitamins (Vitamins A, C, D and E) to energize and develop our body functions for the sake of living and surviving.
For example
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,
meat
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 plays a crucial role in athletes’ physical strength, which determines their performance efficiency.
In addition
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, humans
also
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 have sovereign rights to live in happiness and liberty.
Thus
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, choosing
food
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 sources that yield nutritional benefits, like
meat
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, is by no means illegal. In conclusion,
while
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 I acknowledge that animals have the right to live and that there could be some underlying harms to
meat
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 that might affect
food
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 consumers, I am still convinced by the viewpoint that
meat
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 is a crucial part of human life to remain and evolve our existence.
Submitted by boocheapofficial on

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coherence cohesion
The introduction provides an overview of the main ideas but lacks a clear thesis statement. The conclusion summarizes the main points but could be more impactful.
task response
The response addresses the prompt with relevant arguments for both viewpoints but lacks depth and complexity. More emphasis on the writer's opinion and supporting points is needed.
lexical resource
The use of vocabulary is adequate, but there is room for improvement in the range and precision of vocabulary to express ideas more precisely.
grammatical range
There is a mix of complex and simple sentence structures, but there are issues with subject-verb agreement and word choice. More varied and accurate use of grammatical structures is recommended.
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