IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Internet technology means people do not need to travel to foreign countries to understand how others live. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is a point of debate that by accessing the Internet, society can study customs at other destinations worldwide without the need to travel directly. Though I completely agree with
this
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 notion. The upcoming paragraphs will shed light on my arguments related to
this
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 option,
as well as
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 come up with some conclusions. The first and foremost evidence to prove
this
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 trend is beneficial is that
the
Correct article usage
apply
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convenience and saving.
In other words
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,
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
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 to foreign countries
need
Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
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 to spend a huge amount of
moneys
Change the wording
money
amounts of money
sums of money
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,
times
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time
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 and
efforts
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effort
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, but
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instead
Add a comma
,instead
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 residents now can stay in contact with
the
Correct article usage
apply
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others in different locations around the world
by
Change preposition
via
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 video conferencing systems.
Moreover
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,
Internet
Add an article
the Internet
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 is a stock of available information, which allows society to study everything
just
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with just
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 be
a click computers
Correct the article-noun agreement
a click computer
click computers
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 at home. Undoubtedly, advanced machinery has partly become a
subsitute
Correct your spelling
substitute
 for interaction in person.
Secondly
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, studying
throughout
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through
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 some social networking sites
such
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 as Youtube or Google will limit some risks
about
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to
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 health and
economic
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economics
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. When Covid 19 pandemic broke out worldwide, taking a trip abroad has a variety of problems not only
to
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with
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 physical strength but
also
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 leads to psychological issues like anxiety disorder,
for example
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.
On the other hand
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, it is obvious that surfing the Internet can never replace direct experiences.
For instance
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, just only by interacting
face to face
Add a hyphen
face-to-face
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 with local features or observing spectacles directly, visitors can enjoy the trip perfectly. In conclusion, I consider modern communication tools and advanced technology
make
Fix the infinitive
to make
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 it easier to study and observe lives and customs at other locations around the world indirectly.
However
Linking Words
, it can not completely become a substitute for amazing real-life experiences.

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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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