IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Internet technology means people do not need to travel to foreign countries to understand how others live. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#internet #technology #people #travel #countries
It is a point of debate that by accessing the Internet, society can study customs at other destinations worldwide without the need to travel directly. Though I completely agree with
this
 notion. The upcoming paragraphs will shed light on my arguments related to
this
 option,
as well as
 come up with some conclusions. The first and foremost evidence to prove
this
 trend is beneficial is that
the
Correct article usage
apply
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convenience and saving.
In other words
,
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
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 to foreign countries
need
Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
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 to spend a huge amount of
moneys
Change the wording
money
amounts of money
sums of money
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,
times
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time
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 and
efforts
Fix the agreement mistake
effort
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, but
instead
Add a comma
,instead
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 residents now can stay in contact with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
others in different locations around the world
by
Change preposition
via
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 video conferencing systems.
Moreover
,
Internet
Add an article
the Internet
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 is a stock of available information, which allows society to study everything
just
Change preposition
with just
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 be
a click computers
Correct the article-noun agreement
a click computer
click computers
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 at home. Undoubtedly, advanced machinery has partly become a
subsitute
Correct your spelling
substitute
 for interaction in person.
Secondly
, studying
throughout
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through
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 some social networking sites
such
 as Youtube or Google will limit some risks
about
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to
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 health and
economic
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economics
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. When Covid 19 pandemic broke out worldwide, taking a trip abroad has a variety of problems not only
to
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with
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 physical strength but
also
 leads to psychological issues like anxiety disorder,
for example
.
On the other hand
, it is obvious that surfing the Internet can never replace direct experiences.
For instance
, just only by interacting
face to face
Add a hyphen
face-to-face
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 with local features or observing spectacles directly, visitors can enjoy the trip perfectly. In conclusion, I consider modern communication tools and advanced technology
make
Fix the infinitive
to make
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 it easier to study and observe lives and customs at other locations around the world indirectly.
However
, it can not completely become a substitute for amazing real-life experiences.
Submitted by domaianh.uliser on

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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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