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Writing Samples
Band 6

In many countries, governments like to spend more money on the arts. Some people agree with this. However, others think the government should spend more on health and education. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

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It is no doubt true that the authority has a tendency to allocate the national budget to the
arts
Use synonyms
 in some countries. Others,
on the other hand
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, suppose that spending the national funds on hospitals and schools should be taken priority over the
arts
Use synonyms
.
This
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 essay will discuss both sides and give reasons why I think health and education development is more important to be financed than others. On the one hand, expenditure on the
arts
Use synonyms
 is an essential section of human life.
This
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 means that people can express their feelings through the
arts
Use synonyms
such
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 as singing, painting, and dancing, which language cannot provide. A typical example is that an artist can bring the moods of a scene into the paintings and that can evoke feelings of joy, happiness, or sadness.
Furthermore
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, spending on the field of
arts
Use synonyms
such
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 as music and films promotes economic development.
In other words
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, when the government budget is financed in the
arts
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, it means that the national culture will evolve significantly.
For instance
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, Korea has been successful in bringing its culture to the world, relying on its films and music,
hence
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, promoting the economy of the country. To the promoters of the ideas, these benefits are convincing.
On the other hand
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, a section of society has
got
Verb problem
apply
show examples
an opposite opinion about
this
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. The main reason why people think that the local council should allocate more funds for medicine and schools is that a wealthy country should not only depend on cultural values but
also
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 on the quantity of citizens’
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
. To be more specific, a child should be provided with a good education and a well-developed healthcare system to develop fully. A
further
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 point, especially, if the government invested a smaller money in hospitals and schools than others,
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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would lead to
reducing
Replace the word
a reduction
show examples
 in the workforce. Following that, the national economy will not be fully evolved.
This
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 argument
also
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 appears to be persuasive. In conclusion, it seems to me that
while
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 there are some reasons to believe that the realm of
arts
Use synonyms
 should be invested more to promote the culture and society sectors of a nation, my own view is that the authority should spend more budget on the quantity life of society.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and supporting sentences that are directly related to the main idea. Use transition words and phrases to create smooth transitions between paragraphs and ideas.
lexical resource
Expand your vocabulary by using more diverse and precise words and phrases. Use synonyms and antonyms to provide variation. Pay attention to collocations and word forms.
grammatical range
Review the rules of sentence structure and how to use tenses correctly. Pay attention to subject-verb agreement and use of articles. Practice using complex sentence structures and varied sentence lengths.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • enriches
  • cultural heritage
  • national identity
  • stimulate tourism
  • mental health benefits
  • therapy
  • stress relief
  • sense of community
  • prioritizing
  • strong foundation
  • socio-economic development
  • disease prevention
  • life expectancy
  • employment opportunities
  • fundamental rights
  • healthcare
  • allocation
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