IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

some people say that advertising encourages people to buy things they do not need. Others say that advertisements are important sources of information about new products. Discuss both views and give your opinion (Chi Vu)

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In the modern era, some customers think they are encouraged to spend on inessential goods, meanwhile, others hold a view that significant information about new
products
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 is from adverts. Two aforementioned views will be discussed thoroughly in the following paragraphs before presenting my personal perspective in the conclusion. On the one hand, a broad range of buyers are convinced to buy needless
products
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 after seeing the commercial. The main reason is that adverts often make consumers feel unfulfilled. The consumers are watching images of successful celebrities driving luxurious cars and wearing expensive watches may cause viewers, especially the young to spend large sums of money on clothing and accessories. An additional drawback of advertising is that it creates desire in customer's minds. Exciting and glamorous images of a new product can make consumers buy it even though it is not necessary for their lives.
On the other hand
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, various amount of residents have a strong belief that they can get important details about new
products
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 through promotion. It is claimed that no matter how creative or innovative a product is, it may not be able to help large numbers of users without advertising.
In addition
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, some believe that marketing strategies
also
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 help buyers become aware of various brands producing the same goods. Thanks to
this
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 knowledge, they can make decisions about where to buy more easily based on prices, functions or even locations. In conclusion,
although
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 customers are buying goods and services based on information from advertisements, they are still lured into buying
products
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 which are of little use in their lives. From my perspective, individuals should be aware of the advertisement and only buy what they need.

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task achievement
Consider providing more specific examples to support your arguments. Using particular advertisements or campaigns as examples can enhance your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Try to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs. Using linking phrases more effectively can make your essay feel more cohesive.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure consistency in subject-verb agreement and tense usage for better clarity. Proofreading can help catch these small errors.
task achievement
Your introduction effectively outlines both perspectives and sets the stage for your discussion, providing a clear roadmap for the reader.
task achievement
You've demonstrated an understanding of the topic and shown consideration of both viewpoints, which is commendable.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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