IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

A lot of places in the world rely on tourism as a main source of income. Unfortunately, tourism can also be a source of problems if it is not managed correctly. Describe the advantages and disadvantages of tourism in the modern word. Do you think that benefits of tourism outweigh its drawbacks?

#places #world #tourism #source #income #word
The
tourism
 industry is growing very fast day by day.
Tourism
 is a good source for any country to increase
their
Correct pronoun usage
its
show examples
 GDP but relying too much on
tourism
 can cause
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
big trouble as
over
Add a hyphen
over-tourism
show examples
tourism
 leads to the exploitation of country resources.
Tourism
 has converted many deserts into the multi skyscraper cities. Look at Dubai, who knows Dubai in
Correct article usage
the 1980's
show examples
1980's
Fix apostrophe usage
1980s
show examples
? No one. But, today,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Dubai is one of the most visited
destination
Change to a plural noun
destinations
show examples
 by travellers around the world.
This
 is
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 power of
tourism
. If countries develop their infrastructure, No doubt they are adding one more source of income
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 their National income. Not only the government, we can see a huge increase in the standard of living of the residents living near the newly developed tourist spot. As their property price will increase and they have more opportunities in business, jobs, and rental income. If
tourism
 is expanded without
check
Wrong verb form
checking
show examples
 on it,
this
 can cause
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
huge exploitation of country resources. As most of the tourist spots are developed near natural beauties like lake or beach and
tourism
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 these spots lead to overcrowdedness on these places, if it is expanded without proper planning.
For example
, the main source of flooding in
utrakhand
Change the capitalization
Utrakhand
show examples
, a state of
india
Change the capitalization
India
show examples
 in 2019 was pollution caused by tourists. In the end, I would like
to conclude
 that
tourism
 is not bad if it is developed with proper planning and execution. Countries don't have to rely mainly on
tourism
 as in bad times,
tourism
 is a sector which gets affected first. Countries must have backup
plan
Fix the agreement mistake
plans
show examples
 for difficult times.
Submitted by amritpreet1609 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: