IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

In some countries, celebrities complain about the way media publicize their private lives. Some people say that they should accept it as a part of their fame. Do you agree or disagree?

#countries #celebrities #media #lives #people #part #fame
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Celebrities
Use synonyms
 are generally followed by
media
Use synonyms
 people to obtain their photographs and videos to upload on
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
, which is not liked by them.
Although
Linking Words
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 there is one set of society that supports
this
Linking Words
 sort of
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
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 shown by
press
Add an article
the press
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, I wholeheartedly disregard
this
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 ideology and believe that it is not appropriate to capture someone's pictures to make them on air. I will elaborate
further
Linking Words
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
in detail about it in
following
Correct article usage
the following
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 paragraphs. The primary reason
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 not supporting
this
Linking Words
 trend is that everyone has a right to maintain secrecy in life.
In other words
Linking Words
, each individual has a private life irrespective of one's level of popularity in society, where one can live as an ordinary individual.
For instance
Linking Words
, most of the time, news channels broadcast news about the clips shared by popular personalities on their social
media
Use synonyms
 accounts, without taking their consent. Henceforth, anyone can mind, if someone publicizes their personal information, just because of its availability and accessibility on social
media
Use synonyms
 platforms.
Moreover
Linking Words
, when
media
Use synonyms
 reporters try to chase them everywhere, it disturbs their mental peace. After obtaining data about famous
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
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 from radio, television and other information sources,
general
Add an article
the general
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 public usually try to follow them too, which is unjustifiable for
celebrities
Use synonyms
, as they may find
hard
Correct pronoun usage
it hard
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 to spend some personal time with their families. To exemplify, when
celebrities
Use synonyms
 take some time off from their work to go on vacation, news
media
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 usually reaches there too, just to capture their personal movements to get some views, likes and comments on their channel.
Thus
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 kind of act may distress
celebrities
Use synonyms
 more, as it can break their family. In conclusion,
an
Correct article usage
the
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 abovementioned
facts
Change the noun form
fact
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 substantiates that irresponsible
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
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 of
media
Use synonyms
 could affect
Use synonyms
celebrities
Change noun form
celebrities'
celebrity's
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 life and mental health adversely.
Thus
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, it is the duty of the government of any country to regulate
this
Linking Words
 kind of
actions
Fix the agreement mistake
action
show examples
.
Otherwise
Linking Words
,
situation
Add an article
the situation
show examples
 could be worse in future.
Submitted by meghnabawa91 on

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