Today, the majority of children are raised by their grandparents since their parents are busy working
Today,
children
are taken care of by their grandparents because their parents
choose to have 9 to 5 jobs. I am of the opinion that it does not cause hindrance to a large extent as they are surrounded by well support system. However
, this
phenomenon has some downside which shall be discussed in the following passages.
In today's world, due to
rising prices in
commodities and goods, there is no choice but both genders ought to work to keep up with their household expenditure. Change preposition
of
Hence
, instead
of leaving their prodigy in daycare, they seek help from their parents
to take care of their grandchildren. In my point of view, I think it is a great alternative solution because grandmother and grandfather will always inculcate and teach good habits to our children
through small games and stories. Because, old generation people are retired, helping their children
's baby raise keeps them occupied. Hence
, it is a win-win situation for everybody. Another advantage is that,
Remove the comma
apply
parents
can work in peace knowing their offsprings
are in good and safe hands which can indirectly help them in their careers.
Fix the agreement mistake
offspring
However
, on the contrary
, there are some demerits, such
as toddlers and pre-teenagers are very active individuals, and older people cannot keep up with their speed and might end up having an injury. This
causes inconvenience to them. Furthermore
, today kids are becoming very smart with gadgets, senior
citizens might not have that much knowledge about new technology, Correct word choice
and senior
hence
it becomes difficult for them to teach any school work to their descendants. Also
, because children
spend so much time with their grandparents, they might share everything only with them making their parents
feel left out and guilty. Anyways, couples can overcome this
issue by spending quality time during the weekends.
To conclude
, I think grandparents can be a boon to a great extent as children
are in safe hands and don't cause much hindrance to anyone.Submitted by u.umayal92 on
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task achievement
You have provided a complete response to the task and addressed both sides of the issue well. However, the clarity could be slightly improved by avoiding some minor grammatical issues and colloquialisms like 'prodigy' when referring to children, as it could be misunderstood.
task achievement
To enhance the clarity of your ideas, focus on constructing more complex sentences and using a broader range of vocabulary. This will help convey your points more effectively and show a higher level of language proficiency.
task achievement
Try to incorporate more specific examples to support your points. For instance, you could provide precise instances of how grandparents inculcate values or the impact of being left with grandparents on a child's academic performance.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with logical connections between paragraphs. However, try to ensure smoother transitions between ideas to maintain the flow. Using linking words like 'moreover', 'consequently', or 'furthermore' can help in this regard.
coherence cohesion
While the introduction and conclusion are present, the conclusion could be more robust by summarizing the main points and restating your stance more emphatically.
coherence cohesion
Your essay presents a well-structured argument with clear paragraphs dedicated to both the advantages and disadvantages of grandparents taking care of children.
coherence cohesion
The introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion, and the conclusion brings the essay to a close, reflecting on the main argument.
task achievement
You have touched upon relevant points and supported your views with logical reasoning, especially regarding the benefits of children being with their grandparents.
task achievement
By acknowledging the potential downsides and offering a balanced view, you demonstrate a clear understanding of the topic.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example