IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

In modern society, some people argue that schools become unnecessary as children can study at home via the Internet. Do you agree or disagree?

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Computer scientists and programming experts around the world have made a significant
breakthrough
Fix the agreement mistake
breakthroughs

It seems that breakthrough may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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 related to distant communication systems. Some people say that learning at school is not needed anymore as kids are able to learn at home using the
internet
Capitalize word
Internet

The word internet should be capitalized in this context.

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. I do not agree with the statement and
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 writing will highlight some reasons related to it. Studying alone without companions like teachers and friends is undeniably capable of producing some unprecedented effects.
For example
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, in Indonesia, children that have been studying online by themselves tend to have a lower ability to communicate.
This
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 phenomenon is caused by the lack of confidence when meeting someone else in real life. In short, children who do everything in front of their laptops usually can not adapt properly to the outside world.
However
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, it is undeniable that online courses have given humans a more comfortable and convenient life. Other than letting parents have more time to do another job, it
also
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 enables them to make a closer bond with their sons and daughters.
For instance
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, generally, working hour starts from 8 am to 5 pm,
while
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 their child probably
have
Change the verb form
has

The plural verb have does not appear to agree with the singular subject their child. Consider changing the verb form for subject-verb agreement.

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 classes until 4 pm. Using recent technology, they do not have to pick them up from school and deplete so much energy just to get them home.
To conclude
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

,
internet
Add an article
the internet

The noun phrase internet seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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 has made studying so much easier and saved lots of time for their family.
To sum up
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, advanced communication technology
do
Change the verb form
does

The verb do does not seem to agree with the subject. Consider changing the verb form.

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 make a human's life easier,
on the other hand
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, there are many reasons that have to be evaluated to make sure our future will not be degraded
due to
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 the comforts that it provides.
Hence
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, I do not agree that schools become unnecessary because of the
internet
Capitalize word
Internet

The word internet should be capitalized in this context.

show examples
.

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