IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that success is the best measure for intelligence, while others think that intelligence can be measured in other ways. What is your opinion?

#people #success #measure #intelligence
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays
people
Use synonyms
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
judge your
intelligence
Use synonyms
 by the amount of
success
Use synonyms
 in your life. In my opinion,
this
Linking Words
 is
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 wrong way to define intellectual ability because that depends on who someone wants to be and how they want to be recognized by
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, not
everyone
Use synonyms
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 wants to become
successful
Correct article usage
a successful
show examples
Use synonyms
people
Fix the agreement mistake
person
show examples
. It is very hard to keep your place in
first
Change the article
the first
show examples
 league and that’s because many ignorant
people
Use synonyms
tries
Change the verb form
try
show examples
 to keep you out of
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 members.
Intelligence
Use synonyms
people
Use synonyms
are understanding
Wrong verb form
understand
show examples
 that their role does not play a big importance and
they’re
Unnecessary verb
they
show examples
 usually
stays
Correct subject-verb agreement
stay
show examples
 in the dark.
For example
Linking Words
, Emily Dickinson, who was a very intellectual person, but not because of
success
Use synonyms
, after her death
she
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
becomes
Wrong verb form
became
show examples
 one of the greatest
writer
Change to a plural noun
writers
show examples
 of her
times
Fix the agreement mistake
time
show examples
.
Secondly
Linking Words
, a big part of
contemporary
Add an article
the contemporary
show examples
 world
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 jealous
by
Change preposition
of
show examples
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
success
Use synonyms
 and not
everyone
Use synonyms
 wants to be bad or unjust
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because they can think that they become successful with
help
Add an article
the help
show examples
 and not by their
intelligence
Use synonyms
. If
everyone
Use synonyms
 who is smart, will be lucky enough to play a big part in the world, and not just to be rich, but
also
Linking Words
 to be respected by all m, other stupid
people
Use synonyms
 will make
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
big trouble and that will lead to war or maybe protests.
For
Linking Words
example
Add a comma
example,
show examples
 Marie Cuire
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
was
judge
Wrong verb form
judged
show examples
 for her
intelligence
Use synonyms
due to
Linking Words
 gender bases.
People
Use synonyms
 were making
troubles
Fix the agreement mistake
trouble
show examples
 and saying that your husband was the science. In conclusion,
intelligence
Use synonyms
 is not
determinate
Replace the word
determined
show examples
 by
success
Use synonyms
, but
of
Change preposition
by
show examples
 the
decision end
Correct your spelling
decision-making
show examples
 courage that
people
Use synonyms
 support. I think that
everyone
Use synonyms
 is clever in different
way
Fix the agreement mistake
ways
show examples
 and it’s not our right to decide that.
Submitted by acaitaz on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

grammar
Work on improving sentence structure and grammar to make your arguments clearer. Some sentences are difficult to follow due to grammatical errors.
cohesion
Provide clearer links between your points, ensuring each paragraph has a logical connection with the next. This will improve the overall flow of your essay.
support
Consider expanding on your examples and explaining how exactly they support your argument. This will strengthen your essay’s persuasiveness.
task response
The essay discusses other ways intelligence can be valued, not just through success, fitting well with the prompt.
structure
The essay opens with a clear introduction and closes with a conclusion that summarizes the main points.
examples
Strong use of historical examples like Emily Dickinson and Marie Curie to illustrate points.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: