Some people think that success is the best measure for intelligence, while others think that intelligence can be measured in other ways. What is your opinion?

Nowadays
people
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
judge your
intelligence
by the amount of
success
in your life. In my opinion,
this
is
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
wrong way to define intellectual ability because that depends on who someone wants to be and how they want to be recognized by
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
.
Firstly
, not
everyone
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
wants to become
successful
Correct article usage
a successful
show examples
people
Fix the agreement mistake
person
show examples
. It is very hard to keep your place in
first
Change the article
the first
show examples
league and that’s because many ignorant
people
tries
Change the verb form
try
show examples
to keep you out of
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
members.
Intelligence
people
are understanding
Wrong verb form
understand
show examples
that their role does not play a big importance and
they’re
Unnecessary verb
they
show examples
usually
stays
Correct subject-verb agreement
stay
show examples
in the dark.
For example
, Emily Dickinson, who was a very intellectual person, but not because of
success
, after her death
she
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
becomes
Wrong verb form
became
show examples
one of the greatest
writer
Change to a plural noun
writers
show examples
of her
times
Fix the agreement mistake
time
show examples
.
Secondly
, a big part of
contemporary
Add an article
the contemporary
show examples
world
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
jealous
by
Change preposition
of
show examples
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
success
and not
everyone
wants to be bad or unjust
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
because they can think that they become successful with
help
Add an article
the help
show examples
and not by their
intelligence
. If
everyone
who is smart, will be lucky enough to play a big part in the world, and not just to be rich, but
also
to be respected by all m, other stupid
people
will make
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
big trouble and that will lead to war or maybe protests.
For
example
Add a comma
example,
show examples
Marie Cuire
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
was
judge
Wrong verb form
judged
show examples
for her
intelligence
due to
gender bases.
People
were making
troubles
Fix the agreement mistake
trouble
show examples
and saying that your husband was the science. In conclusion,
intelligence
is not
determinate
Replace the word
determined
show examples
by
success
, but
of
Change preposition
by
show examples
the
decision end
Correct your spelling
decision-making
show examples
courage that
people
support. I think that
everyone
is clever in different
way
Fix the agreement mistake
ways
show examples
and it’s not our right to decide that.
Submitted by acaitaz on

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grammar
Work on improving sentence structure and grammar to make your arguments clearer. Some sentences are difficult to follow due to grammatical errors.
cohesion
Provide clearer links between your points, ensuring each paragraph has a logical connection with the next. This will improve the overall flow of your essay.
support
Consider expanding on your examples and explaining how exactly they support your argument. This will strengthen your essay’s persuasiveness.
task response
The essay discusses other ways intelligence can be valued, not just through success, fitting well with the prompt.
structure
The essay opens with a clear introduction and closes with a conclusion that summarizes the main points.
examples
Strong use of historical examples like Emily Dickinson and Marie Curie to illustrate points.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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