Some people think that success is the best measure for intelligence, while others think that intelligence can be measured in other ways. What is your opinion?
Nowadays
people
are
judge your Unnecessary verb
apply
intelligence
by the amount of success
in your life. In my opinion, this
is a
wrong way to define intellectual ability because that depends on who someone wants to be and how they want to be recognized by Correct article usage
the
other
.
Fix the agreement mistake
others
Firstly
, not everyone
,
wants to become Remove the comma
apply
successful
Correct article usage
a successful
people
. It is very hard to keep your place in Fix the agreement mistake
person
first
league and that’s because many ignorant Change the article
the first
people
tries
to keep you out of Change the verb form
try
this
members. Correct determiner usage
these
Intelligence
people
are understanding
that their role does not play a big importance and Wrong verb form
understand
they’re
usually Unnecessary verb
they
stays
in the dark. Correct subject-verb agreement
stay
For example
, Emily Dickinson, who was a very intellectual person, but not because of success
, after her death she
Correct pronoun usage
apply
becomes
one of the greatest Wrong verb form
became
writer
of her Change to a plural noun
writers
times
.
Fix the agreement mistake
time
Secondly
, a big part of contemporary
world Add an article
the contemporary
are
jealous Change the verb form
is
by
Change preposition
of
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
success
and not everyone
wants to be bad or unjust for
Change preposition
to
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
,
because they can think that they become successful with Remove the comma
apply
help
and not by their Add an article
the help
intelligence
. If everyone
who is smart, will be lucky enough to play a big part in the world, and not just to be rich, but also
to be respected by all m, other stupid people
will make a
big trouble and that will lead to war or maybe protests. Remove the article
apply
For
example
Marie Cuire Add a comma
example,
who
was Correct pronoun usage
apply
judge
for her Wrong verb form
judged
intelligence
due to
gender bases. People
were making troubles
and saying that your husband was the science.
In conclusion, Fix the agreement mistake
trouble
intelligence
is not determinate
by Replace the word
determined
success
, but of
the Change preposition
by
decision end
courage that Correct your spelling
decision-making
people
support. I think that everyone
is clever in different way
and it’s not our right to decide that.Fix the agreement mistake
ways
Submitted by acaitaz on
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grammar
Work on improving sentence structure and grammar to make your arguments clearer. Some sentences are difficult to follow due to grammatical errors.
cohesion
Provide clearer links between your points, ensuring each paragraph has a logical connection with the next. This will improve the overall flow of your essay.
support
Consider expanding on your examples and explaining how exactly they support your argument. This will strengthen your essay’s persuasiveness.
task response
The essay discusses other ways intelligence can be valued, not just through success, fitting well with the prompt.
structure
The essay opens with a clear introduction and closes with a conclusion that summarizes the main points.
examples
Strong use of historical examples like Emily Dickinson and Marie Curie to illustrate points.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite
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