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Writing Samples
Band 7

The bar chart below shows the number of employees from the European Union in the United States (1999).

The bar chart below shows the number of employees from the European Union in the United States (1999).
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The bar graph illustrates how many
number of
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
workers from seven
category
Change to a plural noun
categories
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 of employment namely: education training,
hotel
Use synonyms
 industry, medical, building,
business
Use synonyms
 self-employed and unemployed from the European Union the US
Overall
Linking Words
, it is clearly seen that the highest employment category was
business
Use synonyms
 and the least was
Use synonyms
hotel
Correct article usage
the hotel
show examples
 industry in the initial year.
Also
Linking Words
, in the second year,
self employed
Add a hyphen
self-employed
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 was more popular among the adult population
whereas
Linking Words
 unemployed was least popular among them. In 2003,
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
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 of the
matured
Replace the word
mature
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 population chose to do
business
Use synonyms
 with just over 45 which the respondents decided to do. The second field of choice was medical with 20. Unemployed and self-employed were relatively the same at 10 as compared to education training at 5 with the least being
hotel
Use synonyms
 industry. In 2003, more people chose to be self-employed at approximately 30, followed by
business
Use synonyms
 at around 25. Building,
hotel
Use synonyms
 and education training we're almost equal. Unemployed was the least chosen with 5 as compared with medical at around 10.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words hotel, business with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "compared" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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