Modern technology now allows rapid and uncontrolled access to information in many countries. This is a danger to our societies. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#technology #access #information #countries #danger #societies

It is true that today's

technology

has revolutionized the way of living in a number of countries in the world. Some

people

believe that

this

advancement of

technology

has some detrimental effects on our society, and with which I completely agree.

To begin

with, the primary reason for the danger of

this

technology

to society is the misrepresentation of the vast knowledge of data. To explain, at present, everyone is connected with each other through social media accounts; which has become the easiest method for culprits to spread false information among the

people

to mislead them mostly during the time of elections.

As a result

people

poll their votes to the fraudulent parties. Another big risk of

this

digital

technology

is that

people

are not only losing their cognitive skills but becoming mentally unwell

also

. To elaborate, mostly owing to the occurrence of the huge knowledge of the information on the internet,

people

are less likely to have interactions with their family and friends, as they find it easy to know something

while

surfing the internet, remain glued to the screens of their laptops and smartphones, resulting in decreased social bonding with their loving one.

Furthermore

, the breach of personal data is becoming a burning issue

due to

this

modern

technology

. To illustrate, everyone uploads photos and videos on their private account, but sometimes these are morphed and edited in a way that can cause embarrassment and harassment to the victim. Not only

this

, sometimes OnScene morphed images or videos of a person can cause them to commit suicide too, directly having an adverse impact on the other

people

in the society by creating fear.

For example

, the most popular Al (artificial intelligence) is used by mischievous persons to duplicate voices, morphed videos or photos, and so on for blackmail to get bribes. Moving forward, the more

people

are surrounded by so much

technology

the more they will be at risk, as cybercriminals

also

sometimes hack bank accounts with just names and withdraw their all of money which hits them financially. In conclusion, I believe that

this

modern

technology

is far more dangerous than we know as it is being used by criminals to mislead

people

Submitted by hk7588704 on Mon Mar 18 2024

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coherence cohesion

Your essay logically structures the argument, reflecting good coherence and cohesion. However, ensure that each paragraph flows smoothly into the next. Using transitional words or phrases can enhance this flow. For instance, consider phrases like 'furthermore', 'in addition', or 'on the other hand' to introduce new points or contrast ideas.

coherence cohesion

You provided a clear introduction and conclusion which properly bookend your essay, but be cautious of repetitive statements. In your introduction, directly address the prompt by stating your agreement or disagreement clearly. In the conclusion, succinctly summarize your main points without introducing new information.

coherence cohesion

Your main points are supported, but their development could be richer and more nuanced. Expand on your examples by providing deeper analysis or more vivid illustrations to reinforce your argument. This will make your essay more convincing and engaging.

task achievement

You successfully addressed the task by offering a comprehensive response and relevant examples. To enhance task achievement, work on presenting your ideas more clearly. Strive for clarity by simplifying complex sentences and ensuring your examples directly support your thesis.

task achievement

Incorporating specific, real-life examples or statistics that support your points can strengthen your argument. While hypothetical scenarios are useful, concrete evidence tends to be more persuasive. Researching recent news or studies related to your topic can provide valuable material.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

366 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Modern technology now allows rapid and uncontrolled access to information in many countries. This is a danger to our societies. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Include an introduction and conclusion

Cramming and immersion are becomingly increasingly recognised methods of gaining knowledge in an area, other people disagree and say that only through lifelong learning can a subject be learnt. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Use specific reasons and examples to support your position.

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In many countries around the world,rural people are moving to citites so that population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a possitive or a negative development?

Car ownership has increased so rapidly over the past thirty years that many cities in the world are now 'one big traffic jam’’ How true do you think this statement is? What are measures can the government take to discourage people from using their cars?