IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people say that the main environmental problem of our time is the loss of particular species of plants and animals. Others say that there are more important environmental problems. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

It is often thought by some that the primary environmental issue is the extinction of specific fauna and flora;
however
Linking Words
, I agree with those who believe that there are other imminent threats like pollution and deforestation, which need to be tackled on a war footing. On the one hand, there are a wide variety of reasons why masses consider that the animals and the plants on
verge
Correct article usage
the verge
show examples
 of extinction need to be preserved.
To begin
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 with, the balance of the ecosystem is indispensable to keep
this
Linking Words
 planet safe.
In other words
Linking Words
, each and every
specie
Fix the agreement mistake
species
show examples
 on
this
Linking Words
 earth has a particular role to play to maintain the natural habitat for living things across the globe.
For instance
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, if termites do not play a crucial role in the deterioration of the organic wastes, which is essential to keep the natural world clean, our forests will not survive.
Thus
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, it seems that every creature is important to keep up the ecosystem.
On the other hand
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, I side with those proponents who argue that air pollution and the removal of forests are the major problems that need to be solved first. In the first place, it is the worst quality of the air and the land which is causing the world to become an uninhabitable place for living beings.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the
removing
Correct word choice
removal of
show examples
 tropical green regions
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 become a primary reason for reduced rain nowadays,
due to
Linking Words
 which deserts are increasing all over nature.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it is completely clear that, in order to improve the environmental conditions, the focus ought to be on improving the cleanliness of air and more plantation
campaign
Fix the agreement mistake
campaigns
show examples
. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 people may vary in their opinions about the best method of improving the environmental aspects, I believe that the most appropriate approach is to reduce carbon levels and increase greenery.

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task response
The essay adequately addresses the task and presents a clear opinion, but could provide stronger supporting examples.
coherence and cohesion
The logical structure is somewhat effective, with a clear introduction and conclusion, but the supporting main points could be better developed and linked.
lexical resource
The vocabulary and language use demonstrate a reasonable range, but there is room for improvement in the choice of words and complexity of expressions.
grammatical range
The essay shows a satisfactory range of grammar and sentence structures, but there are errors and areas where more variety could be introduced.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • biodiversity
  • extinction
  • habitat loss
  • ecosystem
  • food chain
  • imbalance
  • interconnected
  • climate change
  • pollution
  • personal actions
  • policy changes
  • education
  • awareness
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