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Band 5.5

Question 30 You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Write about the following topic: Since science and technology are becoming more and more important in modern society, schools should spend more time on teaching these subjects rather than on arts and humanities. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Write at least 250 words

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Following the trend of technological development worldwide, it is currently proposed that schools should spend more time teaching information
technology
 and
science
 subjects than
art
 subjects. I half agree with the above point of view, because
art
 is
also
 a part of the human soul, even though
technology
 develops,
art
 must not be forgotten. In terms of focusing on implementing the
science
 and
technology
 school curriculums, it brings positive aspects in keeping up with development trends and creating many opportunities for students because the achievements that
technology
 brings are enormous.
Firstly
,
science
 and
technology
 play an indispensable role in the advancement of society. Thanks to the proliferation of
technology
, the global economy develops rapidly with significant numbers.
Secondly
, scientific
technology
 creates machines to relieve
people
 from manual
labor
Change the spelling
labour
show examples
.
This
 means that without knowledge, it is easy to be eliminated.
Finally
,
science
 and
technology
 help the apparent gap between
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
wealthy and poor countries to be narrowed.
Therefore
, cultivating
technology
 skills is extremely necessary.
On the other hand
,
arts
Change preposition
in arts
show examples
 and humanities, it is argued that students have a chance to gain a better vision of the past and realize how the world has changed.
Art
 is food for the soul, a place where
people
 can get rid of
real
Add an article
the real
show examples
 world and open up their own world.
Moreover
,
art
 has an emotional orientation that helps
people
 better
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
express thoughts and connect
people
Change preposition
with people
show examples
. Eventually, fine arts make
people
 feel the beauty of objects and humans around them. In conclusion,
science
,
technology
 and
art
 both should be a top priority.
Hence
, we need to balance
between
Change preposition
apply
show examples
art
 and
technology
 in schools and even in
soci
Correct your spelling
society
Submitted by elsenglish16992 on

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task achievement
To achieve a higher score, consider adding more specific examples, such as how technological skills have been beneficial in specific careers or how art can influence cultural development.
coherence cohesion
Try to ensure that all main points are equally developed. The section on science and technology was detailed, but the arts and humanities part could benefit from more specific examples and explanations.
coherence cohesion
The essay contains a clear introduction, several body paragraphs, and a conclusion, indicating a coherent structure overall.
task achievement
The response addresses both sides of the argument, giving a balanced view.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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