IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Task 2 In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.

#cultures #children #message
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Nowadays,
children
Use synonyms
 want everything to
be comes
Change the verb form
come
show examples
 true.
Moreover
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, they don'
t
Use synonyms
 like to wait until the thing comes to them, in
this
Linking Words
world
Add a comma
,world
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 it's not that easy to get something we want.
Children
Use synonyms
 or everyone must try hard to arrive
to
Change preposition
at
show examples
there
Replace the word
their
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 dreams. But, it has certain drawbacks too.
However
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 essay will examine the advantage and disadvantages of
children
Use synonyms
 can own anything
what
Change the word
that
show examples
 they want if they are trying hard. The two main advantages of
children
Use synonyms
 owning things if they try hard.
Firstly
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, feeling happy
what
Change preposition
about what
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 they did to get the thing and
secondly
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, it helps in future when
child
Correct article usage
the child
show examples
grow
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grows
show examples
 up so he or she can control him/
her self
Correct your spelling
herself
show examples
 with no helps from
the
Correct article usage
apply
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others.
For example
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, my small brother saved up money for approximately 2 years to buy his dream doll. After that, he didn'
t
Use synonyms
 believe what he did.
Finally
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,
thats
Correct your spelling
that
 show how life is going and how things
is
Change the verb form
are
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 hard to have it.
However
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,
achieve
Wrong verb form
achieving
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 everything might have
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
 disadvantages. what I mean
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children
Add a missing verb
is children
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 that could move because of paralysis and
children
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 that
living
Wrong verb form
live
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 in a weak or poor region
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
absolutely couldn'
t
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 do anything to have
things
Correct article usage
the things
show examples
 they want it.
For instance
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, my small cousin
he
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
lives in
small
Add an article
a small
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 poor country and he can'
t
Use synonyms
 move his legs because of
the
Correct article usage
a
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 bike accident.
Consequently
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, it's difficult for my cousin to own
what ever
Correct your spelling
whatever
show examples
 he
want
Change the verb form
wants
show examples
.
To conclude
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, achieving everything
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
might have a few effects and disadvantages.
Besides
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, there are more nice advantages to
own
Wrong verb form
owning
show examples
 everything by
try
Change the form of the verb
trying
show examples
 hard enough.
Submitted by hamoudisayyah on

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • achieve
  • try hard
  • positive mindset
  • self-belief
  • motivates
  • ambitious goals
  • resilience
  • determination
  • confidence
  • self-esteem
  • growth mindset
  • unrealistic expectations
  • disappointment
  • failure
  • effort
  • hard work
  • seek support
  • individual differences
  • abilities
  • capabilities
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