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Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Task 2 In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.

#cultures #children #message
Nowadays,
children
 want everything to
be comes
Change the verb form
come
show examples
 true.
Moreover
, they don'
t
 like to wait until the thing comes to them, in
this
world
Add a comma
,world
show examples
 it's not that easy to get something we want.
Children
 or everyone must try hard to arrive
to
Change preposition
at
show examples
there
Replace the word
their
show examples
 dreams. But, it has certain drawbacks too.
However
,
this
 essay will examine the advantage and disadvantages of
children
 can own anything
what
Change the word
that
show examples
 they want if they are trying hard. The two main advantages of
children
 owning things if they try hard.
Firstly
, feeling happy
what
Change preposition
about what
show examples
 they did to get the thing and
secondly
, it helps in future when
child
Correct article usage
the child
show examples
grow
Change the verb form
grows
show examples
 up so he or she can control him/
her self
Correct your spelling
herself
show examples
 with no helps from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
others.
For example
, my small brother saved up money for approximately 2 years to buy his dream doll. After that, he didn'
t
 believe what he did.
Finally
,
thats
Correct your spelling
that
 show how life is going and how things
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 hard to have it.
However
,
achieve
Wrong verb form
achieving
show examples
 everything might have
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
 disadvantages. what I mean
children
Add a missing verb
is children
show examples
 that could move because of paralysis and
children
 that
living
Wrong verb form
live
show examples
 in a weak or poor region
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
absolutely couldn'
t
 do anything to have
things
Correct article usage
the things
show examples
 they want it.
For instance
, my small cousin
he
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
lives in
small
Add an article
a small
show examples
 poor country and he can'
t
 move his legs because of
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 bike accident.
Consequently
, it's difficult for my cousin to own
what ever
Correct your spelling
whatever
show examples
 he
want
Change the verb form
wants
show examples
.
To conclude
, achieving everything
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
might have a few effects and disadvantages.
Besides
, there are more nice advantages to
own
Wrong verb form
owning
show examples
 everything by
try
Change the form of the verb
trying
show examples
 hard enough.
Submitted by hamoudisayyah on

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • achieve
  • try hard
  • positive mindset
  • self-belief
  • motivates
  • ambitious goals
  • resilience
  • determination
  • confidence
  • self-esteem
  • growth mindset
  • unrealistic expectations
  • disappointment
  • failure
  • effort
  • hard work
  • seek support
  • individual differences
  • abilities
  • capabilities
What to do next:
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