The education of young people is the main priority in countries around the world. Some people believe that educating adults who cannot read or write is essential for the society and more funding should be made available for it. Do you agree or disagree?

The argument between educating
young
Correct article usage
the young
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population and adults
are
Verb problem
has
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always been in discussion. I agree with most parts of the first argument but, I
also
have some positive thoughts about the second argument. Both statements have their own advantages and disadvantages.
While
discussing the first statement, I will try to convince the audience to invest more in educating
young
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the young
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community. Giving education to youngsters provides a great number of benefits. The energy and interest of
people
below the '30s are always higher than that of
people
above 50. They are more focused on their career, and they try very hard to achieve their goals. Their consistency in perceiving knowledge helps them to learn quickly and generate innovative ideas. Almost every
country
focuses on educating young folk because they will be shaping the future of their
country
. Countries, which have higher literacy rates, are progressing far better than countries which have lower literacy rates. Educating adult
people
provides other benefits, it helps an individual to work on their own rather than depending on their family or government expenses. If we have educated adult
people
in our society
then
there are high chances of less poverty, and dependency issues. Most of the adult
people
who were not able to gain knowledge in their early's will get equal opportunity to learn and manage their expenses on their own. Funds should be collected for these
people
by organizing charity events in society, or by well-known fundraisers. Both statements have their own benefits and drawbacks, but I personally believe that young
people
should be the main priority in any
country
. It gives more power to the state because young grads are well-equipped with new skills, and can
take
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make
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better decisions for the
country
in future.
Submitted by ahsanaly.94 on

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coherence cohesion
Try to be more concise and precise with your arguments. Remember, you don't necessarily need to try and cover everything. It's more important to develop a few points well.
task achievement
Please ensure that your essay has a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. Your introduction could be a bit stronger, and your conclusion could be a bit more summarative.
task achievement
Your ideas are good and relevant, but there's a tendency to be too general in some parts. More specific examples would have strengthened your argument.
coherence cohesion
Your logical structure is not bad, but it could be improved. Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea, and that this idea is well-developed with support.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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