IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Many people think technological devices such as smart phones, tablets and mobile phones bring more disadvantages than advantages. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #devices #phones #tablets
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In recent years, there has been a great shift in the field of
technology
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, which has created an opinion that advances in
technology
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 offer more drawbacks than benefits. In my view, technological improvements make our
lives
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 easier in any way and have more pluses to be discussed. There is no doubt that mobile devices have created a new way of communicating among people. Now humans can reach out to their relatives despite the location they are in by texting or conducting a video call, which was the dream in the past.
For example
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, students who study in foreign countries have a chance to meet their parents over
the
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a
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 distance and share their
experience
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experiences
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, which gives them some courage if they are experiencing homesickness. Another potential positive aspect of the phenomenon is the daily usage of
technology
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. It is known to all of us that today’s people are living in the era of artificial intelligence, where everything can be done with the click of a button or just a voice message or voice command. Put simply, going to a new place, figuring out a location you want to visit, or being aware of upcoming weather updates so that you can prepare ahead—all of these things cannot be accomplished without the current
technology
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 that almost everyone has in their pocket.
However
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, there are some negative aspects of possessing mobile devices that cannot be neglected.
Although
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 our
lives
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 are getting easier, people tend to be lazy compared to the past. Being attached to screens all day decreases people’s activity in their bodies, causing a wide range of diseases
such
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 as obesity and loss of eye vision. One clear example to support the perspective is that current children are replacing the pure joy of outdoor activity with video games that can glue them to the screen all day. In conclusion, achievements in
technology
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 are uplifting our day-to-day
lives
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 in many ways,
such
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 as keeping in touch with
closes
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close
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 and being constantly updated about current news and weather forecasts.
Nevertheless
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, there have been minuses to having smartphones, which can be noticed as a danger to our
lives
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 and health.
Submitted by abdulazizjantsul2020 on

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task response
Ensure that you clearly express your agreement or disagreement with the given statement, providing a balanced view of both perspectives.
coherence coherence
The essay demonstrates a good logical structure, but it could benefit from more cohesive devices such as transition words and phrases to improve the overall coherence and flow.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • convenience
  • communication
  • access to information
  • efficiency
  • addiction
  • privacy concerns
  • distraction
  • isolation
  • screen time
  • digital divide
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