The graph below shows the number of enquiries received by the Tourist Information Office in one city over a six-month period in 2011.

The graph below shows the number of enquiries received by the Tourist Information Office in one city over a six-month period in 2011.
This
graph illustrates Tourist orders
information
in one country for 6 months in 2011.As
it
Correct your spelling
is
show examples
clear from the graph
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
the
information
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
received in
person
had increased significantly in January from nearly 401 to
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
1900 in June.
In
Add a hyphen
In-person
show examples
person
Add a comma
,person
show examples
information
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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less amount in January
comparing
Wrong verb form
compared
show examples
with the
information
by
letters
and in
person
. But
then
,there was highly
increasing
Replace the word
increase
show examples
in June.
Although
, in the half of February the
information
had gradually the same with
information
by
letters
. Orders by
letters
,remain the same amount in January and February between 600 to 800. But in March the figure had
stick
Change the verb form
stuck
show examples
to 700 until it had fallen significantly to reach less than 400 in May. Requests by telephone had
level
Wrong verb form
levelled
show examples
up despite
information
by
letters
and in
person
.
However
,it seems there is still
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
request number of
information
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
beginning
Add an article
the beginning
show examples
of April with the
information
in
person
to reach one thousand.
To sum up
, the request number by
letters
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
generally the only one were decreased in June.
Submitted by almeem on

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Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
Vocabulary: Replace the words information, person, letters with synonyms.
Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "information" was used 9 times.
Vocabulary: The word "reach" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "significantly" was used 2 times.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • enquiries
  • Tourist Information Office
  • in person
  • by letter/email
  • by telephone
  • general trend
  • six-month period
  • significant increase
  • steady rise
  • decline
  • peak
  • fluctuations
  • monthly data
  • comparison
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