IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

The graph below shows the number of enquiries received by the Tourist Information Office in one city over a six-month period in 2011.

The graph below shows the number of enquiries received by the Tourist Information Office in one city over a six-month period in 2011.
#enquiries #tourist #information #office #city #period
This
 graph illustrates Tourist orders
information
 in one country for 6 months in 2011.As
it
Correct your spelling
is
show examples
 clear from the graph
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
the
information
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
received in
person
 had increased significantly in January from nearly 401 to
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
1900 in June.
In
Add a hyphen
In-person
show examples
person
Add a comma
,person
show examples
information
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
less amount in January
comparing
Wrong verb form
compared
show examples
 with the
information
 by
letters
 and in
person
. But
then
,there was highly
increasing
Replace the word
increase
show examples
 in June.
Although
, in the half of February the
information
 had gradually the same with
information
 by
letters
. Orders by
letters
,remain the same amount in January and February between 600 to 800. But in March the figure had
stick
Change the verb form
stuck
show examples
 to 700 until it had fallen significantly to reach less than 400 in May. Requests by telephone had
level
Wrong verb form
levelled
show examples
 up despite
information
 by
letters
 and in
person
.
However
,it seems there is still
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 request number of
information
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
beginning
Add an article
the beginning
show examples
 of April with the
information
 in
person
 to reach one thousand.
To sum up
, the request number by
letters
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 generally the only one were decreased in June.
Submitted by almeem on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words information, person, letters with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "information" was used 9 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "reach" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "significantly" was used 2 times.
▼

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • enquiries
  • Tourist Information Office
  • in person
  • by letter/email
  • by telephone
  • general trend
  • six-month period
  • significant increase
  • steady rise
  • decline
  • peak
  • fluctuations
  • monthly data
  • comparison
What to do next:
Look at other essays: