Nowadays celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth than for their acheivements, and this sets a bad example to young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#celebrities #glamour #wealth #acheivements #sets #people

It is true that there is a tendency to be well-known because of the luxurious

life

conditions,

whereas

people maintaining achievements and reaching their goals remain unknown. Personally, I completely agree that

this

sets a bad example to the younger generation because I believe that only those who succeed in

life

and work to boost specific fields of society can actually inspire them. First and foremost, famous people are pursued by youngsters and teenagers.

This

means that younger generations are being grown up by celebrities, namely bloggers in social media. Following successful people, who get fame thanks to their abilities and skills

such

as Elon Musk, is more beneficial for teenagers to get motivation

together with

incentives to strive to study and have a purpose to attain achievements rather than giving preference to effortless and mesmerizing lifestyles of wealthy ones.

Secondly

, there is a danger to the personality traits of youngsters because of

pursuing

Verb problem

apply

show examples

bloggers who provide unhealthy diets and curse words in their speeches.

Thus

, it is advantageous to follow scientists or influencers who are making breakthroughs in technology or science. Let us take a look at the mental conditions of followers. Nowadays, it is a crucial issue to have a low interest in

life

and be under a lot of strain because of seeing others' lifestyles and desire to have it.

For instance

, pursuing others’

life

Fix the agreement mistake

lives

show examples

may lead to dissatisfaction and criticism of their

life

because of not having the ability to afford an astonishing lifestyle. In conclusion, following wealthy and rich celebrities

provide

Correct subject-verb agreement

provides

show examples

more drawbacks than positive outcomes.

To conclude

, I strongly believe that for everyone it would be beneficial to pursue celebrities who reached goals and success in their

life

because it may be a source of motivation to attain their own achievements.

Submitted by arnakaldybai on Sun Aug 20 2023

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task response

Ensure that your examples are more specific and directly relevant to the prompt. Provide concrete instances of celebrities setting a bad example for young people.

coherence cohesion

Consider using a wider range of cohesive devices, such as transition words and phrases, to improve the overall coherence and cohesion of the essay.

lexical resource

Try to incorporate a broader range of vocabulary to add depth and variety to your writing. Consider using synonyms and idiomatic expressions to enhance your lexical resource.

grammatical range

Work on using a wider variety of complex grammatical structures, such as conditional sentences and passive voice, to demonstrate a more sophisticated grammatical range.

Fully explain your ideas

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

297 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Nowadays celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth than for their acheivements, and this sets a bad example to young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Fully explain your ideas

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

some people think that men and women have dipperent qualities, therefore certain jobs are suitable for men and women. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

A magazine asked its readers to send in stories about a time they had a problem when travelling. Write about a journey where you had a problem to send to the magazine

Some people believe that children of all ages should have extra responsibilities (for example, helping at home or at work). Others believe that, outside of school, children should be free to enjoy their lives. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Some universty students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.