IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people believe that studying at university is the key to a successful life, while others think that nothing practical is gained by doing this. Discuss both ideas and give your opinion.

#people #university #life
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Whereas
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 some individuals agree with the
idea
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 that a degree will help you to build a rich
life
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, another group believes that Colleges are antiquated and,
therefore
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, provide you with outdated skills.
This
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 essay disagrees with both ideas as it believes that a
University
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 degree is needed to start to build a professional
career
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,
however
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, it does not guarantee a successful
life
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.
To begin
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 with, the
idea
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 that a professional
career
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 at a professional institution will provide a rich
life
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 is antiquated.
This
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idea
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 comes from the
last
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 century,
where
Correct word choice
when
show examples
 most
people
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 were working as industrial operators, farmers and so
.
Rephrase
on.
show examples
Therefore
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, only a few exclusive groups of
people
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 have access to the
University
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, and most of them did it great.
This
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 situation generated a symbolic
idea
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 that a degree is equal to a successful
life
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.
For instance
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, the grandfathers's and parents's
idea
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 in Argentina is that education
post high
Add a hyphen
post-high
show examples
 school must be mandatory in order to build a successful path,
as a result
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, they push their children to go to College and study a
career
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. On the other side, we have a new generation of
people
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 who agree that actually,
University
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 is a waste of time, and they recommend to other
people
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 to do short courses based on practice.
This
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idea
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 came with the technology's advancement that allows the community to study online.
For example
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, nowadays, research concluded that 50% of the new young-adult generation in America prefer to study online (especially short courses related to IT skills) than attend an institution for 4 or 6 years.
This
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 essay disagrees with both ideas. First of all is important to highlight that a professional
career
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 will not provide you with instant success. Nowadays competition is wild, being successful in a professional path depends exclusively on you, your skills and sometimes luck. On top of that, it agrees that
University
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 is crucial to building a strong
networking
Replace the word
network
show examples
, which is going to help you to go through your professional way more easily. In conclusion,
this
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 essay disagrees with the
idea
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 that
University
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 is equal to success, but
also
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, with the concept that Colleges are outdated. After High-School education is the key to starting to build a successful professional path,
however
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, is not the only one.
Submitted by tomasmutilva99 on

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task achievement
Ensure that you clearly distinguish your thesis statement in the introduction.
task achievement
Use more varied examples and evidence to strengthen your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Work on transitioning between points more smoothly to enhance flow.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph logically supports your thesis and maintains focus.
coherence cohesion
Clear introduction and conclusion, both are present and serve their purpose well.
task achievement
The essay discusses both views and provides a clear opinion, which meets the task requirements.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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