IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some people believe citizens should be allowed to carry handguns in order to protect themthelves, while others think this can lead to many social security problems in the society. What is your opinion? Use specific rsasons to support your answer.

#people #citizens #handguns #themthelves #security #society #rsasons #support
Nowadays, it is becoming common for
people
 to carry handguns. They do it in order to protect them.
However
, some
people
 believe that citizens are allowed to keep
guns
,
while
 others argue that it will lead to many social security problems in
society
. In fact, I side with those who believe carrying
guns
 will bring social security problems for two main reasons. The main reason is making
people
 scared. By carrying
guns
, citizens will feel not secure in
society
. They think that they can easily be shot in public.
For instance
,
people
 in restaurants will leave as soon as they see
people
 bring
guns
 into that place.
As a result
, citizens feel afraid of going to public places. The following reason is affecting students' behaviours. Some children think that having
guns
 is cool. By providing an environment where
people
 can bring handguns, youngsters can imitate it.
Moreover
, they will do anything
for having
Change preposition
to have
show examples
guns
. They will end up stealing adults'
guns
.
Nevertheless
, they do not know how to use it. They can bring it to school to show up to their friends.
However
,
this
 situation can be harmful to everyone. Pupils can shoot their friends by accident.
To sum up
, having
guns
 can bring negative effects on
society
such
 as making
people
 scared and affecting students' behavior.
However
, I am firmly convinced that it will be better for
people
 not to carry handguns to make the environment and
society
 safer. The government needs to restrict
guns
 for
society
 so
people
 can not buy
guns
.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

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task response
The essay adequately responds to the task by presenting reasons for not allowing citizens to carry handguns. However, the ideas presented are not fully developed, and could benefit from more in-depth analysis and critical thinking.
coherence cohesion
The essay follows a basic structure of introduction, body, and conclusion, but the logical progression of ideas within paragraphs and between the main points could be improved. Connectors and transitional phrases can be used to enhance coherence and cohesion.
lexical resource
The essay demonstrates a basic range of vocabulary and some attempt at using academic language. However, there is a need for more varied and precise vocabulary to express ideas more effectively and to avoid repetition.
grammatical range
The essay shows an attempt to use a range of complex structures, but there are frequent errors in sentence structure, verb tense, and agreement. Clearer and more accurate expression of ideas is needed to enhance grammatical range.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Second Amendment
  • right to bear arms
  • self-protection
  • concealed carry
  • civil rights
  • gun control legislation
  • public safety
  • firearm regulations
  • background checks
  • concealed handgun permits
  • stand-your-ground laws
  • accidental discharge
  • gun violence
  • crime deterrence
  • escalation of conflict
  • law enforcement challenges
  • responsible ownership
  • community safety initiatives
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