IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

It must be a woman who stays at home to care for children. Men are not suited to this kind of work. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your knowledge or experience

#woman #home #care #children #men #work
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Nowadays there are more
fathers
stayed
Wrong verb form
staying
show examples
 at
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
home to take
care
 of
children
 and women go out for
thier
Correct your spelling
their
work
. some mankind
belive
Correct your spelling
believe
show examples
 that
naurturing
Correct your spelling
nurturing
 of
child
Add an article
a child
the child
show examples
 is
duty
Add an article
the duty
show examples
 of
mother
 and
fathers
 are not suitable for
this
 job. I personally disagree with
this
 notion as both parents are equally important to nurture a
child
.
This
 essay will
further
 elaborate
my
Change preposition
on my
show examples
 views.
To begin
 with, some countries and people believe that female is better at taking
care
 of
children
 because of their nature. there is
belief
Add an article
the belief
a belief
show examples
 that
mother
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 more responsible and takes good
care
 of
child
 rather
male
Correct word choice
than male
show examples
 because
father
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
more
Change the word
apply
show examples
stricter so they will not look after
the
Change the word
their
show examples
chils
Correct your spelling
child
 as
mother
Add an article
a mother
show examples
 do. And
from
Change preposition
for
show examples
 many years females are the
one
Correct pronoun usage
ones
show examples
 who
look
Change the verb form
looks
show examples
 after the kid so everyone thinks that
its
Replace the word
it's
it is
show examples
 her responsibility to
upbring
Correct your spelling
bring
 the
child
. To exemplify , in most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
countries
Add a comma
,countries
show examples
mother
Fix the agreement mistake
mothers
show examples
 are the
one
Correct pronoun usage
ones
show examples
 who
take
Change the verb form
takes
show examples
care
 of
children
 from birth till
he
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 grow up.
fathers
 have equally important for nurturing of
child
Add an article
the child
a child
show examples
 as
child
Correct article usage
the child
show examples
need
Change the verb form
needs
show examples
 love and affection from both
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
parents. Other than that , there
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 some basic
work
 that any male can do
such
 as changing diapers and formula milk and
feed
Wrong verb form
feeding
show examples
 it
child
 .
This
 way the
realtionship
Correct your spelling
relationship
of
Change preposition
between
show examples
father
 and
child
 will get stronger.
Hence
 , it will benefit the
mother
 and
whole
Correct article usage
the whole
show examples
 family eventually. Analysing and explaining
further
 , in
this
 fast pace world women play a vital role in any
buiesness
Correct your spelling
business
 as in today's era girls are educating
them selves
Correct your spelling
themselves
show examples
 to erase man dominant
work
 and become more
independant
Correct your spelling
independent
. There are many
company
Fix the agreement mistake
companies
show examples
whos
Correct your spelling
whose
show examples
 employees are female so they have to go back to
work
 and resume their
cereers
Correct your spelling
careers
 so eventually it benefits the whole
compny
Correct your spelling
company
 and
Correct article usage
the econoy
show examples
econoy
Correct your spelling
economy
 of
Correct article usage
the coutry
show examples
coutry
Correct your spelling
country
. To add to
this
 point ,
fathers
 can be role
model
Fix the agreement mistake
models
show examples
 for
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 son as
he
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 can teach some basic things that
mother
Fix the agreement mistake
mothers
show examples
 can not .
Moreover
Add a comma
,Moreover
show examples
father
Fix the agreement mistake
fathers
show examples
 can imply strict rules for their
child
 as its more effective and
children
 will follow .
This
 way
kid
Fix the agreement mistake
kids
show examples
 will learn good behaviour . To recapitulate, by agglomerating all the
point
Fix the agreement mistake
points
show examples
 aforementioned above , it is not true that
male
Correct article usage
a male
show examples
 as
father
Add an article
a father
the father
show examples
 is not appropriate for nurturing the
child
 and its
mothers
Change to a genitive case
mother's
mothers'
show examples
 burden. I believe that
mother
 and
father
 are both responsible for taking
care
 of
children
 .
eventually
Add a comma
,eventually
show examples
 it will benefit them and the
child
.
Submitted by bhumikashah1414 on

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Gender roles
  • Empathy
  • Nurturing
  • Emotional intelligence
  • Caregiving
  • Paternal leave
  • Equality
  • Stereotype
  • Societal norms
  • Dual-income families
  • Stay-at-home dads
  • Cultural evolution
  • Economic considerations
  • Skill sets
  • Traditional roles
What to do next:
Look at other essays: