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Band 7.5

Nowadays an increasing number of people change their careers during their work life period. What are the reasons behind this trend? Is it a generally positive or negative development?

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Work can sometimes be hard which causes people to adjust their jobs. I will delve into the arguments that caused
such
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 a trend and discuss whether it is a right or wrong choice. There is plenty of reasons to be cited about why folks change their line of work.
Firstly
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, we live in a consumeristic world. People love to buy things that require money, and not all of us come from better-off parents so a highly-paid job is required,
consequently
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, adults are always searching for better professions that suit their financial needs.
Secondly
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, the
post market
Add a hyphen
post-market

It appears that post market is missing a hyphen. Consider adding the hyphen(s).

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 has become highly competitive, so you always have to be updated with the latest information about your field. Which creates stress and strain that can lead to mental health problems. For that people tends to look for another career which is less stressful than they already had.
For instance
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, a new term is arising in developed countries which
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is

It seems that the verb are does not agree with the subject. Consider changing the verb form.

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 called "downshifting". It basically means leaving your demanding position for another one
that is
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 more comfortable even if it pays less money.
On the other hand
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, I think
continuous
Add an article
a continuous
the continuous

The noun phrase continuous change seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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 change of work is unfavourable.
This
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 is because It creates confusion and instability. It is better to be focused on your current role and try to master it in all aspects.
This
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 allows the opportunities for promotion in position accompanied by a raise which is a win-win situation. To cite an example my friend stayed in the same company for 20 years until he got assigned the CEO position by which he is delighted. To sum it up,
Although
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 having to switch careers for a better wage is considered a positive thing, I stand with staying in the same role for several years in order to gain experience and move up the job ladder.

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