IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

It has been said, "Not all learning takes place in the classroom." Compare and contrast knowledge gained from personal experience with knowledge gained from classroom instruction. In your opinion, which source is more important? Why?

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It is often said that human beings will acquire
experiences
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 throughout their lifetime. So, some of
this
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 knowledge will
gain
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be gained
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 through academic courses which are provided by universities;
whereas
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 others will obtain
experiences
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 from their own career, far from schools. In my perspective, a combination of
both
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 will be more invigorating. I will argue
both
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 aspects as follows.
To begin
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 with, primitive humankind spent their life without education and just by instinct carried out their routine lives.
For instance
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, they constructed some handy tools and utilized them for hunting in order to meet their demands which provided their first needs.
In addition
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, they taught their children these arts and transferred their
experiences
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 generation by generation. What's more, some
experiences
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 have been obtained just through trial and error and the events of nature have dictated them how to complete their aspiration and needs.
In contrast
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, with the advent of ,technology the needs of men developed and the experience itself did not fulfil people's ambitions.
Thus
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, they should learn some relevant knowledge through classroom instruction.
For example
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, to invent aeroplanes individuals need to be taught in an academic area with the aim of acquiring essential pertinent proficiencies. I think improving someone's theoretical comprehension is not enough in order to make something up.
Hence
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, it needs to have
both
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 theoretical and practical understanding to achieve a good outcome. All things considered, In my point of view
both
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 personal and academic learning is precious and needs to be successful.
although
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 some work does not need to be in a classroom;
however
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, some other professionals need to have a school degree to meet their goals.

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task response
Focus on providing a clear opinion on which source of knowledge is more important and support it with relevant arguments and examples.
coherence
The essay lacks a clear introduction and conclusion. Work on structuring your essay with a clear thesis statement and summarizing your main points in the conclusion.
lexical resource
Use a wider range of vocabulary and more precise words to express your ideas. Avoid repetitive use of words and phrases.
grammatical range
Work on using a variety of sentence structures and pay attention to subject-verb agreement and tense consistency.
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