Some people believe that our happiness depends on how much money we have. Others say that ‘money cannot buy happiness’. Do you think that having money is the key to happiness, or are there more important factors?

#people #happiness #money #‘money #happiness’ #factors

Nowadays,

people

believe that

money

can bring

happiness

but others think

money

is not everything, there are many things that can not be brought by

money

. Personally, I believe that

money

is very important and it can not completely bring

people

happiness

Admittedly,

Happiness

depends on how much

money

people

have.

First,

Having

money

can help

people

not worry about academic training level and tuition fees.

For example

, wealthy families have enough conditions to send their children to the top school.

Second,

having a lot of

money

helps

people

relax and feel happy by paying for various activities like travelling, hanging out with friends or shopping.

Besides

, some important factors are the key to

happiness

. The most typical is relationship, almost all research already found that the most important factor leading to

happiness

is quality relationships. Quality relationships with our family, friend or darling help to share feelings

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

and overcome difficulties. Positive relationships will make life better.

In addition

, health is

also

the key to

happiness

. Life without health means nothing, can not perform their daily activities. In conclusion,

money

is very important, it is key to

happiness

but

money

can not completely bring

people

happiness

Besides

money

, there are many other things that bring

happiness

Submitted by ieltsamiedu on Wed Aug 23 2023

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also
for example
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however
although
even though
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6Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

206 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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