Some people believe that our happiness depends on how much money we have. Others say that ‘money cannot buy happiness’. Do you think that having money is the key to happiness, or are there more important factors?

Nowadays,
people
believe that
money
can bring
happiness
but others think
money
is not everything, there are many things that can not be brought by
money
. Personally, I believe that
money
is very important and it can not completely bring
people
happiness
Admittedly,
Happiness
depends on how much
money
people
have.
First,
Having
money
can help
people
not worry about academic training level and tuition fees.
For example
, wealthy families have enough conditions to send their children to the top school.
Second,
having a lot of
money
helps
people
relax and feel happy by paying for various activities like travelling, hanging out with friends or shopping.
Besides
, some important factors are the key to
happiness
. The most typical is relationship, almost all research already found that the most important factor leading to
happiness
is quality relationships. Quality relationships with our family, friend or darling help to share feelings
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
and overcome difficulties. Positive relationships will make life better.
In addition
, health is
also
the key to
happiness
. Life without health means nothing, can not perform their daily activities. In conclusion,
money
is very important, it is key to
happiness
but
money
can not completely bring
people
happiness
.
Besides
money
, there are many other things that bring
happiness
.
Submitted by ieltsamiedu on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: