Some people believe that our happiness depends on how much money we have. Others say that ‘money cannot buy happiness’. Do you think that having money is the key to happiness, or are there more important factors?

#people #happiness #money #‘money #happiness’ #factors

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Nowadays,

people

believe that

money

can bring

happiness

but others think

money

is not everything, there are many things that can not be brought by

money

. Personally, I believe that

money

is very important and it can not completely bring

people

happiness

Admittedly,

Happiness

depends on how much

money

people

have.

First,

Having

money

can help

people

not worry about academic training level and tuition fees.

For example

, wealthy families have enough conditions to send their children to the top school.

Second,

having a lot of

money

helps

people

relax and feel happy by paying for various activities like travelling, hanging out with friends or shopping.

Besides

, some important factors are the key to

happiness

. The most typical is relationship, almost all research already found that the most important factor leading to

happiness

is quality relationships. Quality relationships with our family, friend or darling help to share feelings

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

and overcome difficulties. Positive relationships will make life better.

In addition

, health is

also

the key to

happiness

. Life without health means nothing, can not perform their daily activities. In conclusion,

money

is very important, it is key to

happiness

but

money

can not completely bring

people

happiness

Besides

money

, there are many other things that bring

happiness

Submitted by ieltsamiedu on Wed Aug 23 2023

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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

firstly
secondly
thirdly
in additional
moreover
also
for example
for instance
therefore
however
although
even though
despite

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6
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

206 words

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Some people believe that our happiness depends on how much money we have. Others say that ‘money cannot buy happiness’. Do you think that having money is the key to happiness, or are there more important factors?

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

In recent years, many small local shops have closed because customers travel to large shopping centres or malls to do their shopping. Is this a positive or negative development .

Computers are becoming an essential part of education. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages and give your own opinion

It is not necessary to travel to other places to learn about other cultures of other people. We can learn just as much from books, films, and the internet. Do you agree or disagree?

Some people view teenage conflict with their parents as a necessary part of growing up, whilst others view it as something negative which should be avoided. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

in recent years , the family has changed as well as role . why this happen. is this positive or negative .