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Writing Samples
Band 6

The chart below shows the male and female internet users aged that 15-24 in 2000.

The chart below shows the male and female internet users aged that 15-24 in 2000.
#internet #users
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The given bar chart compares Canadian
men
Use synonyms
 and
women
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 aged between 15 and 24 based on their online activities in 2000.
Overall
Linking Words
, both males and females had the highest tendency to use email services in 2000.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
while
Linking Words
 young
men
Use synonyms
 contributed more than
women
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 to social networks,
women
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 were likely to use online shopping services more than
men
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. Email was the most popular internet service with just below 50% of
women
Use synonyms
 and approximately 40% of
men
Use synonyms
 using it.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, almost a quarter of both genders took advantage of social networking
although
Linking Words
 the figure for
men
Use synonyms
 was a little higher (28%). Online shopping ranked third.
While
Linking Words
 19% of
women
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 used online shops to buy,
men
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 were more reluctant with only 13% of them purchasing products available on
Add an article
the internet
show examples
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
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.
Finally
Linking Words
, 18% of
men
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 used
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
show examples
 for other activities
while
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 number was just under 10% for
women
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by a.ansari3103 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words men, women with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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