IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The chart below shows the male and female internet users aged that 15-24 in 2000.

The chart below shows the male and female internet users aged that 15-24 in 2000.
The given bar chart compares Canadian
men
Use synonyms
 and
women
Use synonyms
 aged between 15 and 24 based on their online activities in 2000.
Overall
Linking Words
, both males and females had the highest tendency to use email services in 2000.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
while
Linking Words
 young
men
Use synonyms
 contributed more than
women
Use synonyms
 to social networks,
women
Use synonyms
 were likely to use online shopping services more than
men
Use synonyms
. Email was the most popular internet service with just below 50% of
women
Use synonyms
 and approximately 40% of
men
Use synonyms
 using it.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, almost a quarter of both genders took advantage of social networking
although
Linking Words
 the figure for
men
Use synonyms
 was a little higher (28%). Online shopping ranked third.
While
Linking Words
 19% of
women
Use synonyms
 used online shops to buy,
men
Use synonyms
 were more reluctant with only 13% of them purchasing products available on
Add an article
the internet
show examples
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
show examples
.
Finally
Linking Words
, 18% of
men
Use synonyms
 used
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
show examples
 for other activities
while
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 number was just under 10% for
women
Use synonyms
.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words men, women with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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