IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Nowadays most people are not as fit and active, as they were in the past. What are the main causes of this situation? Suggest some possible solutions.

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In
this
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 day and age, there are studies that show that the majority of the general public is not at the same level of physical fitness and sportiness when compared with previous generations.
This
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 essay will discuss the causes of, and suggest corresponding solutions to, the issue. To start with, the culprits of the deteriorating body conditions of the general population, which are marked as less fit and active than before, are unhealthy modern diets and changes in occupational needs. In the first place, the fast-food culture which provides high-calorie content is the most common cause of being overweight.
For example
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, people always find it convenient to eat hamburgers or drink soft drinks for their meals and it will provide surplus/excessive calories beyond their daily consumption needs. In the second place, the changing occupational needs that lead to less physical activity is
also
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 another main reason why people are less active and fit than before. As a matter of fact, most manual labour has been replaced by machines and people’s duties have changed to monitoring and controlling the machines. In order to improve the situation, there are two possible solutions that address the aforementioned causes.
Firstly
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, healthy eating habits
such
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 as low calories and Mediterranean diet should be considered as the first step towards a healthy lifestyle. In fact, most studies suggest that these eating habits actually help with decreasing the chances of developing cardiovascular diseases and building a good body shape.
Secondly
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, governments should bear the responsibility for promoting a healthy lifestyle in workplaces.
For instance
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, policies protecting employees’ physical condition like mandatory exercise programs for long-sitting work types should be established. In conclusion, in order to tackle the problem that citizens are not as active and fit as they were before, diet and social policies are the keys that help the citizens achieve their health goals to become fit and active again.

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Task Response
The essay lacks a clear and comprehensive response to the task. The causes of the decline in physical fitness are briefly mentioned, but the solutions lack depth and specificity. Provide more detailed and insightful analysis of the causes and propose practical and well-explained solutions.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay demonstrates a modest use of linking words and cohesive devices, but the logical structure is somewhat weak. Work on improving the connections between ideas and paragraphs to ensure a more cohesive and coherent presentation of information.
Lexical Resource
The essay displays a range of vocabulary and uses a mix of less common and idiomatic expressions. However, there are instances of inaccuracies and lack of precision. Aim to enhance the lexical resource by refining the choice and accuracy of words and expressions.
Grammatical Range
The essay demonstrates a reasonable control of a range of complex structures. However, there are notable errors in punctuation, subject-verb agreement, and word choice. Practice using complex grammatical structures accurately and consistently to improve the grammatical range.
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