Successful sports professionals can earn a great deal more money than people in other important professions. Some people think this is fully justified while others think it is unfair.

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This
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essay is concerned with the substantial
earnings
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of successful
sports
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professionals
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compared to those in other important professions. In the following paragraphs, I will consider the arguments for why
this
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disparity in
earnings
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might be justified
as well as
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the reasons why it might be considered unfair. One argument in
favor
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favour
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of the significant amount of money earned by
sports
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professionals
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is that these individuals have unique talents or rare abilities that most people do not have.
For instance
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, the success of top athletes brings prestige and worldwide attention to their country. When they become famous, they can earn a lot of money as well-known personalities.
Therefore
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, many opportunities are waiting for them,
such
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as sponsorships and other commercial opportunities,
further
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contributing to their substantial
earnings
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Taking
Thailand
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as an example,
sports
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professionals
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like Ratchanok Intanon, a world-renowned badminton player, demonstrate how exceptional talent can lead to significant
earnings
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. Ratchanok’s achievements on the international stage have brought considerable attention and pride to
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. Her success has led to full of sponsorship deals with major brands, appearances in advertisements, and opportunities to endorse products.
Such
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commercial ventures significantly boost her income beyond what she earns from tournament winnings alone.
On the other hand
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,
this
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disparity in
earnings
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might be considered unfair when compared to other important professions,
such
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as healthcare workers, teachers, and public servants. These
professionals
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contribute significantly to society, often working under challenging conditions and with limited financial rewards.
For example
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, doctors and nurses in
Thailand
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, who play a crucial role in maintaining public health, typically do not receive compensation anywhere near that of top athletes, despite the importance of their work. In conclusion, it is fair that
sports
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stars like
Thailand
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's Ratchanok Intanon earn well for their unique skills.
In
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On
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the other hand, it is unfair that essential employees like healthcare
professionals
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and teachers
that
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apply
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do not receive the same. I believe they should be paid better to recognize their vital roles in society.
Submitted by p.thongketkaew on

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task achievement
Your essay provides a complete and clear response to the task. However, it would benefit from a more detailed analysis of the arguments against the disparity in earnings to balance the discussion more evenly.
coherence cohesion
The organizational structure of your essay is strong, with clear transitions between paragraphs. However, try to use more varied linking words and phrases to enhance coherence further.
task achievement
Offering more specific examples and evidence for both sides of the argument would strengthen your point. For instance, mentioning specific statistics or studies about earnings disparities in other essential professions could provide a more rounded perspective.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which effectively frame your arguments.
task achievement
You have used a specific and relevant example, such as Ratchanok Intanon, to support one of your main points, making your argument more convincing.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial remuneration
  • exceptional
  • merit
  • talent
  • demand
  • entertainment value
  • career span
  • physical demands
  • justified
  • unfair
  • criticism
  • income inequality
  • societal priorities
  • sportsmanship
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