Some people think that in the modern world we are more dependent on each other, while others think that people have become more independent. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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One

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of the social concerns today relates to mutual relationships between human beings in contemporary societies.

While

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it is commonly thought that people are likely to rely on

one

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another,

others

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believe that individuals prefer to have more control over their lives. I am going to discuss these opposing points of view. Personally, I think it depends on each situation

Correct word choice

whether

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that

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whether

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we should be independent or not. On the

one

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hand, it is argued that dependence is becoming more and more in favour. It is mainly because each person may only be good at

one

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or two areas.

Therefore

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, we still have to rely on

others

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for things like healthcare, security, and emotional support.

For example

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, we may rely on doctors to treat our illnesses, we need police to keep us safe, and we cannot live without friends or family who will always be by our side when we have difficulties.

On the other hand

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, it is strongly believed by

others

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that self-sufficiency is popular these days. People often have

this

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opinion because people are able to do many things independently with the development of the internet and technologies,

such

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as working remotely, self-learning, and e-banking.

For example

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, my company find it efficient when

keeping

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keep

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its staff working from home three days per week.

Consequently

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this

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allows for greater self-government and flexibility in terms of balancing work and personal life. In conclusion, it is commonly thought that mutual reliance is likely to be prevalent ; meanwhile,

others

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assume that self-sufficiency is becoming more and more popular. Personally, I tend to believe that it’s essential to discern in which circumstances

that

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apply

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we should be independent or need support from our family members, friends and colleagues.

yeshomeclassThu Aug 24 2023

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coherence cohesion

In terms of coherence and cohesion, your essay demonstrates a satisfactory logical structure. Subsequent paragraphs are well-developed, and ideas transition smoothly from one to another. However, you could improve coherence by enhancing the connections between ideas and providing more explicit linking phrases.

coherence cohesion

Your essay presents an introduction and a conclusion, which is commendable. Both paragraphs serve their purpose, with the introduction setting the stage for the discussion and the conclusion effectively summarizing the main points. To enhance this area, consider adding a stronger final statement in your conclusion to leave a more impactful impression on the reader.

coherence cohesion

The main points in the body paragraphs are supported, yet it would be beneficial to elaborate further on the examples provided. Aim for deeper analysis and more detailed explanations to strengthen your arguments.

task achievement

You've provided a complete response to the task, showing an understanding of both views and giving your own opinion. However, to score higher, ensure that your position is clearly stated from the beginning and consistently reiterated throughout the essay.

task achievement

The ideas presented are clear and comprehensive, but they lack a bit of depth. In the future, strive to explore each point more thoroughly, which could involve more nuanced arguments or considering counterarguments to enhance the critical thinking aspect of the essay.

task achievement

The examples used in the essay are relevant, but you should incorporate more specificity. Utilize particular cases, data, or studies that firmly back your claims, thereby increasing the persuasive power of your essay.

7
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meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

284 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

interdependence
globalization
technological advancements
collective action
digital evolution
minimal reliance
direct interaction
empowered
access to technology
societal expectations
personal choice
leverage

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Some people think that in the modern world we are more dependent on each other, while others think that people have become more independent. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Differences between countries are becoming less evident. Nowadays people are watching the same films, fashion, brands, advertisements and TV channels. To what extent do the disadvantages of this outweigh the advantages?

Today many young people and teenagers go to jail because of committing crime especially violence. What are the causes of this? Can you offer any solutions?

Disruptive school students have a negative influence on others. Students who are noisy and disobedient should be grouped together and taught separately. Do you agree or disagree?

Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money.othes argue that it is better to try and improve such situations. discuss both views and give your own opinion.