IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Today, the high sales of popular consumer goods reflect the power of advertising and not the real needs of the society in which they are sold. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#sales #consumer #goods #power #society
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Under the influence of sales promotions, the sales volumes of goods experience a significant increase, which
therefore
 trigger a worry that
advertisements
 may drive consumers to purchase more than what they really need. From my perspective, I am not fully in favour of
this
 opinion, believing that it is able to indicate the real buying power in some aspects,
although
 adverts can exert some impacts on shoppers. On the one hand, advertising plays a big part in promoting new products and increasing sales,
thus
 creating more
demand
 for consumers. For one thing, as Steven Jobs once said, if there is no customer
demand
then
 make a new one, manufacturers and advertisers are endeavouring to grab customers’ attention with fancy shapes and novel functions.
As a result
, they will bring the potential of purchasing some merchandise that was considered not worthy of buying before into full play. For another, some fraudulent
advertisements
 exploit the weaknesses of the young and old to induce them to buy something unneeded and unnecessary, which in turn reflects false demands in our society.
On the other hand
, advertising is a major means of delivering useful messages, which makes every customer informed of all products that they are interested in.
To begin
 with, there is an information gap between sellers and buyers, meaning that either side is unable to gain sufficient knowledge about the opposite side
as a result
 of selling at lower prices or buying at higher prices.
However
,
advertisements
 make it possible to bridge the gulf,
thus
 making all interested parties fully aware of each side to equalize the business and ultimately present the real
demand
 in society.
Furthermore
, technology has revolutionized the way we live and it
therefore
 brings new and more demands for people.
For instance
, the
demand
 for smartphones was incurred by the internet rather than the advert of the iPhone. In conclusion,
while
advertisements
 indeed place some influence on consumers’ decisions to shop, it is unable to manipulate all buying behaviours.
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Task Achievement
Provide a clear opinion and present a stronger argument in favor of your stance. Address all aspects of the question and provide a more balanced view.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that the ideas are logically organized and supported by appropriate linking devices. Develop a stronger connection between ideas and paragraphs.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • consumer behavior
  • perceived need
  • lifestyle aspirations
  • brand image
  • prestige
  • psychological techniques
  • scarcity
  • social proof
  • celebrity endorsements
  • technological advancements
  • product innovations
  • emerging consumer needs
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