IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Many feel that students today should learn practical skills at school such as car maintenance and managing a bank account. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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It has always been an arguable thing about learning particle
skills
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 for students at their
school
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 level. Some person in society believes it is required to acquire
this
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 type of practice
knowledge
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 for pupils.
Whereas
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 some opine schools are meant to be education purpose. In my belief it is necessary for young people to learn these tactics is important. On the one side, through practical education, youngsters can be independent and will be able to solve their problems independently.
For example
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, maintaining the car, changing flat type, and oil changes can help them to have basic
knowledge
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 about vehicles. These terms will make them ready for upcoming growth.
Secondly
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, learning financial matters like operating a bank account, and going to a bank for deposit amounts will guide them to future financial independence. Ultimately, they will get to learn about strong financial understanding.
Furthermore
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, in the process of learning new ,things schools play an important role. In some ,cases
due to
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 busy ,schedules parents can not teach kids about having practice ability. At that point, schools play vital roles in educating pupils.
For instance
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, by providing practice
knowledge
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 on basic
skills
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 of furniture repairing workshops they will get an idea about fixing screws and fixing drawers.
In addition
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, during
school
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 learning basic technical
knowledge
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 in some fields will help them to build better careers.
To sum up
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, though it is necessary to have
knowledge
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 of
school
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 subjects, it is
also
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 important to develop some practical
skills
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 during
school
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 life. The basic
skills
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 in small things will make them future independent. Teachers are ideal for kids so it becomes easy for them to make things easy at
school
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 in terms of future careers.

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coherence cohesion
Your essay provides a reasonable treatment of the topic but can be improved further by maintaining consistency in your logical structure. Some of your paragraphs veered off-topic or weren't fully developed. It's important to develop and stick to a clear line of argument throughout
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clearly present, which is good. However, the conclusion can be improved further by explicitly summarizing the main points of your argument
coherence cohesion
While you did make an effort to support your main points, the support provided was not always in depth or fully developed. Try to give fewer examples and expand on them more, showing how they clearly relate to and support your main points
task achievement
You addressed the task reasonably well, but there are portions of your essay that feel rushed or underdeveloped. Take care to ensure that you're fully responding to the question that's been asked
task achievement
You generally presented clear and comprehensible ideas, but some sentences were difficult to understand. Make sure to break down complex thoughts into simpler, more digestible sentences for clarity
task achievement
Your examples were generally relevant and specific, well done! Just make sure that they clearly support your main points and are integrated smoothly into your essay
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